Why so quiet?

I haven't been writing that much recently, and there are lots of reasons. But one of the biggest and most important ones is Facebook. I've found it so much easier to keep it up to date than Blogger. Microblogging (or "Status" in Facebook terms) is just much easier than writing entire blog entries, and it's much more fun and easier to interact with friends on their statuses on Facebook too. 

So if you want to keep up with me, come on over to Facebook and send me a friend request! I'll occasionally post over here as well, but Facebook is just the place to be these days! See you there!

A New Strategy for Selling Our House

You buy our house and we'll pay your old mortgage for up to a year if you can't sell it. This is the latest tactic in the Dutch real estate market to get things moving again. And we're the poster children for it. The article here was in yesterday's local newspaper and we'll be in a full-page ad in the Sunday paper. Wish us luck!

40th Birthday in the U.S.!

I left Holland on vacation on Tuesday, and flew to D.C. on United. I used an award ticket so it was really cheap, and consciously chose economy in order to experience what it's like in my "new body". And it was fantastic, effortless and comfortable! A major victory. It helped that the plane was nearly empty, but I was just fine - even in an exit row with fixed armrests. Yeah!

I got to D.C. and spent the evening with dear friend Gail and her partner, Alex. We caught up, went out to dinner (Gail's birthday treat, thank you!), and turned in early, because I had to be up the next morning for a 6 a.m. flight.

Turned 40 on a flight between D.C. and Chicago, and spent the time feeling grateful for my 30's and how much they've brought me and how much I've experienced, for all the positive changes that have recently taken place in my life, and for the family and my wonderful husband. No regrets. A good way to feel.

Arrived in Des Moines, quickly unpacked and headed to the gym for a personal training session (yes, on vacation too!). My sister gave me a series of them for my birthday so I could stay fit while on holiday. Thanks, hon! Was a good workout - 1 hour, which is twice as long as I usually do. Will do three more before I leave!

After a nap, went out for Italian with Mom & Dad for the official birthday dinner. Had pizza for the first time in a year - but only because it was super thin-crust, no cheese, and with vegetable and chicken! Delicious, and Mom & Dad were wonderful company.

So all in all, it was a great, relaxed birthday! And no, I don't feel any older. :-) As a matter of fact, I keep feeling younger every month. :-)

I look forward to seeing friends and more family the rest of this week and next. Feels good to be home! Just sorry that Wilbert couldn't join me. Would have been much more fun!

Minor Fender Bender - Minor Whiplash

Forgot to mention that I had a small accident this week. I was sitting at a stoplight literally around the corner from work, at a total standstill, and some idiot rear-ended me and pushed me into the car in front of me. Will require a few new bumpers (he wasn't going that fast), but the worst of it was a case of minor whiplash it gave me. The ligament connecting my skull to my spine (I believe) is strained, giving me muscle aches and a constant low-grade headache. It's getting better, and hopefully will continue to do so. It's the last thing I needed this week. 

Fall Update

So here's a run-down of what's going on after much silence:

• House not sold yet, very little interest due to the housing market being almost frozen due to consumer fear and tighter mortgages. We're working closely with the realtor to figure out the correct strategy, but we still have a fair amount of time to get it sorted out.
• Preparations for new house are overwhelmingly complex. We of course want to do far more than our available budget would actually allow. So we'll have some difficult choices to make and will have to put some things off. Not really a surprise.
• Turning 40 this week! Having a small dinner tonight at the local Chinese restaurant. I asked people not to bring gifts, just to pay for their own meals. Yet certain people (to remain unnamed) are not attending because they feel strongly that I should pay for them. I'm furious; cheap-ass cloggies. Not that I have strong feelings about this. I'll focus on the gratitude I feel for the people who are there, because there are some great people coming!
• I'm going home to the U.S. for my real birthday and Thanksgiving. Stopping by D.C. to see my dear friend, Gail, on the way for an evening, then proceeding to Des Moines. Will also pop down to Missouri to see my brother and his wife. Looking forward to a relaxing and chilled-out 10 days. Will then spend Christmas at home with Wilbert for the first time ever... time to start some new traditions here.
• Work is insane. I started a new job just a month ago, but circumstances within the company have them asking me to consider doing something else. It's a difficult decision - lots of pro's and con's to each side - and all the variables are not yet known, so I won't make my decision until they are.
• Wilbert is the usual fabulous sweetheart he always has been. We went shopping in Amsterdam last Sunday with Peter and Alp and dropped by Lush, our favorite hand-made bath products shop, and lamented yet again that they had discontinued our favorite Red Rooster soap, made from orange juice, cloves and cinnamon. We then each went and independently ordered it online to surprise each other without knowing, and now have enough of the stuff to start our own Lush shop in Purmerend. How sweet! :-)
• My sister Heidi's kids continue to grow like weeds and look gorgeous, though Cristian is now going through his terrible two's about 9 months early, probably because of the arrival of his new sister, Lauren Sofia. Poor little guy! I'm grateful that I get to see them on Skype video now and again!
• Off to the spa today to enjoy a good pre-birthday soak and pampering.
• Weight is coming off occasionally and sporadically. I'm down exactly 59kg, and can't get to 60 to save my life. Probably because I'm doing a fair amount of strength training as well and building lean muscle, which is heavier than fat. At least I can see some reduction in my waist circumference, and am now down about 14 inches. Will need to buy some new pants in DSM!
• Been working with my "new" trainer Casper for about two months now, and he's tough and good. We never do the same routine twice, and he really pushes me to my limits. I've added some extra cardio to try to get the weight moving down as well, but I may have to settle for a much slower drop in weight in return for better overall health and fitness. The scale isn't the be-all and end-all of life. How I feel is. Hopefully I'll start believing that someday soon. :-)

So that's about it for now! I'll try to get back to writing more from now on.

Our Dream Comes True!

As many of you know, we've signed a contract on a gorgeous new house in August, and we've been fighting (well, mostly just waiting) on the mortgage ever since. A complicated transaction including a restructuring of our finances, money for renovations (new kitchen, dormers across the entire second floor, etc.) and the mortgage for the house itself, so it took a while. About 8 weeks of absolute terror. But today everything came through exactly the way we wanted it! So thanks to everyone for their positive thoughts, prayers and support, and we hope to see you drop by sometime next year when all the renovations are done and we've moved in in time for summer!

A Thoughtful Note from an Old Friend

I can't say I wasn't expecting it. Actually, I'd been looking forward to it all week. Today, I received a e-mail from an old friend... from myself. And more interestingly, from myself a year ago. 

Using www.FutureMe.org, I sent myself a time-delayed e-mail on the day before my lap-band surgery last year. I didn't want to forget what I was feeling at the time, so I write it all down in the form of a letter to my 1-year older self. It was essentially a list of what I wished myself in the future: my hopes, dreams, and what I wanted to accomplish with this major life change. It was also about not forgetting a painful past and WHY I made the changes I did. 

In short, I think I've honored the hopes and dreams of Christopher 2007. Because Christopher 2008 has a radically different and better life today, and I think he would be proud of me. Here's the letter:

The following is an e-mail from the past, composed on Sunday, September 23, 2007, and sent via FutureMe.org
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear FutureMe,

Tomorrow I will have gastric banding surgery, and I have no idea what lies ahead of me. What is your life like today? Was it worth it? Was it better because of the risk you took? What have you learned? Who have you become? What is your life like? In order to help you answer these questions, I'm going to tell you a little about my life in case you've forgotten.

Today I can't sit down or stand up without some pain. My back problems are out of control and hurt almost all the time. I can't go up a flight of stairs without breathing hard. I wear size 5x, 22 neck, size 60 pants, and weigh 186kg, but the only scales that can weigh me are at the sauna or the hospital. My blood pressure is OK, but I'm told my heart can't handle this forever. I can't sit in most chairs with arms... most chairs are completely uncomfortable for me altogether. Even flying business class is pretty uncomfortable. I'm tired a lot of the time. I hate the way I look in just about any clothes.

How did I get myself to this point? I will never know how much of it is genetic and how much of it is my "fault". I clearly overeat when I am depressed, stressed or bored. I overeat when traveling. I overindulge when eating out or ordering in. I have however learned a lot about food and have the knowledge I need to succeed... or at least I think I do.

The greatest fear that faces me today (besides getting through surgery safely) is the loss of control over what I can put in my mouth. After tomorrow, it will be strictly controlled by the band. If I misbehave, I get punished. It's a punitive system. I will probably hate having that hanging over my head. By the same token, I tend to do much better with strict guidelines... black and white rules that I can follow. I hope this proves to be true. But the psychological impact of the loss of control and choice is clearly something I'll have to watch out for, as well as cross-addictions. I can't replace my food addiction with anything other than honest feelings and creative expression.

The person I hope you are is: happy, satisfied with your life, a better person, perhaps less bitter and mean. More natural and happier with yourself, and kinder to others. I hope you feel like your body fits you and belongs to you and that you are comfortable in it. Right now I wear mine like a diver's heavy diving suit, far too cumbersome to be wearing day to day.

I hope you have had lots of compassion for yourself, and for those around you. Be kind to them... you need them.

I hope you have used this experience to become a better person as well. This gateway of change you are opening has the possibility to create not just a skinnier life for you, but a better life, and I hope you've taken advantage of everything it has to offer. If not, the sacrifice may not have been worth it.

One way or another, from my perspective right now, you HAVE to do this. You have no choice left. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing, and your life was quickly approaching nothingness when you were me. It just isn't any fun anymore to be me. It's too hard. And it was time to do something about it. I can't help but believing that just about any sacrifice is worth it to get out of the mess I've gotten myself into.

I don't know you yet, but I am eager to get to know the person you have become. I am excited about the possibilities that will open up for you as you successfully embark upon this journey. You are like a child I will do my best to take care of and love until you grow up to become who you were meant to be. I don't fully know who that is, and I will give you the freedom to become whatever person you were meant to become, but know that I will do my best to love and support you through this process.

I love you,

Christopher 23-September-2007

Hanging Out In The Village

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Originally uploaded by Krishiqua

We spend all day yesterday hanging out in our future home - the village of Beets. We took more than 300 pictures of the surrounding countryside, local architecture, and of course, of our future house. So if you feel like wading through them, feel free!