The Wedding Test

One of the major questions for me throughout our entire engagement process (being a 3 on the enneagram made it inevitable) has been "How will people react to us getting married?" Not our friends, but people from our parents' generation. Would we be treated with the same respect that straight married couples are treated? Will they take us as seriously? Will they overcome any prejudice that they might have about homosexuality out of respect for us and/or our parents?

The answer has pretty much universally been yes. And in a few cases, the answer has been a very surprising yes. There have been two surprises that have impacted us the most: 1) Some of the more conservative Christian members of Wilbert's family who have made some pretty outrageous statements about homosexuality in the past - who we invited only after a fair amount of debate and careful thought - have decided to attend our wedding here, and 2) Some of my mom's friends have banded together to put on a wedding shower for us when we're in Des Moines after both weddings (see invite above). With the latter we were really shocked and pleasantly surprised, especially because we thought that one of the ladies putting it on wasn't necessarily the most gay-friendly person around. I think they're largely doing it out of respect and love for my parents, but I would be curious to know about some of the conversation or thought that went on in the background there. And on the other hand, maybe I'm overanalyzing and underestimating them.

Regardless of anyone's prior prejudices or feelings, it looks like just about everyone is treating us with love and dignity and respect, and I for one am deeply grateful and really happy about it. One of the nicest things about coming to live in The Netherlands is the fact that I can focus much less on being gay and much more on being a human being because it's not a daily struggle for basic human rights here. That has been a great blessing in my life, and especially now, I'm really happy to live in a country that allows us to formally recognize our relationship with dignity and respect, and that our friends and family around the world are willing to do the same. We're very lucky.