Was talking to some old college buddies this weekend and a name came up of a guy I hadn't thought about for a while: Scott Kalwishky (left and the leftmost guy in the picture to the right). We were never friends, but I knew everyone in Iowa City in the early 90's because I was the doorman at the gay club there for three years. And I saw him every weekend. He was younger than I was (I was in grad school) and we ran in different circles, but I was still curious to find out what happened to him. Then I found out he had died. Not sure of what - doesn't really matter at all - but did some good reminiscing with Joel and Tim about him and was sad to see him having left us. Joel especially had very positive memories about how Scott made him laugh a lot. 
At the same time I was looking for info about Scott, I came across information about another acquaintance, but this time from Des Moines, Joel Larson. I vaguely remember when this happened, but I never knew all the details. He was essentially murdered in Minneapolis (while cruising Loring Park) by someone who was deeply conflicted about their own sexuality. The murderer is now an out gay man in prison, having killed TWO gay guys, including a former state congressman, and wounding another. This murder occurred pre-Matthew Shepard, when the straight world still looked at a gay man getting killed while cruising as a bit of a freak show. He deserved better.As I talked about with Tim and Joel, it's stuff like that that puts pressure on the rest of us to live our dreams and to live life to the fullest.
11 comments:
Hi, I stumbled across your blog, kind of by accident. I was a freshman at Iowa in 1988, and Scott Kalwishky was one of the first people I met. Through him I became friends with other people from the '80s Des Moines scene, and met Joel Larson. I remember Joel being a really nice guy, and I was very sad when he was murdered. I also used to go to the 620 with Scott and the others (although I'm not gay, the 620 was one of the best straight-friendly gay dance clubs I've been to and was the best place to go dancing in Iowa City at the time). I've lost touch with all of those people, so I had no idea Scott had died. That's very sad.
But I'm glad you blogged about it, because now I know. Thanks for the nice words about Scott and Joel.
Christo-
I too fell over your blog by accident. Glad you blogged about this.
I actually went to both funerals, and posted the two pics you used of Scott & Joel to the DM80s site.
Scott died from a lung infection of some sort...no one knew he was sick. It was a huge shock to everyone.
We all know the Joel story, though I'd like to point out Loring Park was on his way home, he may not have been "cruising" when he was murdered. There's a great, if completely disturbing, documentary that highlights his murder. It's called "License to Kill" and is by Arthur Dong. Scariest movie ever, in my book.
Anyway, thanks for remembering these guys. They were both great guys, and really sweet. It's nice to know that other people are still thinking about them.
I never knew Scott, but Joel was a friend of mine back int he day, and never did I expect for my birthday to be the day where he was brutally murdered.
Joel was always funny as hell, quick with a smile, and sweet as could be. He will always be missed.
Christo, I as well stumbled across your blog but thank you for remembering those that have gone before us. A tribute to my Sean Penn. (Joel): Joel, I'm sorry I don't think about you as often as I should anymore. It's been a long time. I often wonder what could have been done differently to not have had you at that place at that time. I am probably the one that you spoke your last precious words to prior to that dark night walk. I will never take that for granted. So much life has happened since you've been gone and I wish I could laugh and cry with you about it all. I just wanted to let you know that your joyful spirit still continues on today in many hearts and that you are sincerely missed.
You know how you'll never forget what you were doing when Princess Diana died? It's been the same thing when I found out about Joel (Joelsie) and Scott. I knew them early on in Iowa City. I remember the very first time I saw Scott I said "He's Tigger!", because of his bouncy ways. Joel and Tigger made HUGE impacts on SO many lives, I can't even begin. Thank you to everyone for remembering them as I think of them often. It's comforting to know that they are still missed and loved and remembered for the brilliant and shining souls that they were! It also gives me hope that tolerance will be expanded as we share our experiences with the next generation. Love and Light to all! Julie Osborn
I stumbled across this page as well. Today is 18 years since Joel was murdered. Both Joel and Scott were dear friends of mine. Trips to Omaha in high school, dancing, shopping, laughing. It is a hard day for me as we were always close. I know they are both with me everyday. I worked with Joel at Perkins aside from being friends before this. We had so much fun working the bar shift and dealing with all the drunks. Joel being legally blind has made me a weird shopper. He used to touch everything, I do that as well only because he would always have me touch things. I have so many great memories of both. There are greatly missed by many.
How wonderful to read others memories of Joel! Not a week has gone by that I haven't thought of Joel. I was recently talking about Joel to a friend and she asked if I had ever talked to a therapist about the pain of losing him. I realized, despite all my years of therapy, I had never even considered talking about this with them - it was as if the grief was just a part of who I was. I did talk to my wonderful therapist recently and I told her, "I just want to talk to someone who knows how special Joel was..." and here you all are. I try to tell people and they nod appreciatively but they don't know his laugh, his silliness, his seriousness. Joel, so many times when I am doing something that brings me joy I feel your presence and remember that I can experience these things for both of us by remaining open to your loving spirit.
Please also share your memories of Joel at the Facebook Page, "Remembering Joel Larson"
Wow, I came across your blog by accident this evening Christo by doing a google search on Joel Larson. I happened to be listening to some 80's and early 90's music with my girlfriend and Jody Watley came into play. I can't listen to her without reminiscing about my friend Joel Larson. I went to tell my g/f about the tragedy that happened to him in Loring Park and here you were with the story and a picture of him. It brought tears to my eyes. Thanks Christo for your blog and taking me back to a good memory of a friend.
If any of the other people that have left comments about Joel Larson and need to connect please contact Gina Andreano through facebook. I grew up in Des Moines, Iowa but reside in New York City.
Take Care
I realize I am YEARS behind, doesn't matter. I remember Joel so fondly. Adorably great guy who would walk right past you in the bar, then when you said, "HI, JOEL!" he would turn around and get right in your face, squinting and then, "OH, HI, LONNIE!" Super guy! Julie O, you are correct. I remember exactly where I was when I got the phone call with the news about Joel. He is still missed, and whenever I heard Elaine Page singing, "Nobody's Side," Todd Bender, Paul Harvey, Colby Samuels and JOEL LARSON come to mind. Great memories that night. *sigh* Miss you, Joel!!! (Even if I did think my hair looked ridiculous that time you did it. In retrospect, it actually rocked...of course!)
Post a Comment