American TV Summary 2007-08

Having been sick and in bed most of this week, I’ve caught up on a lot of TV. So if you’re not afraid of spoilers, then here’s the scoop on my favorite shows and my interpretation of their season cliffhangers. You’ll notice a theme here.

• Lost - John Locke isn’t John Locke and he’s dead but probably not for long. Hint: It’s the island. There’s something weird about it.


• CSI (Las Vegas) - Warrick is dead and it looks pretty likely he’ll stay that way. Always happens to the pretty but stupid.


• CSI Miami - Horatio looks like he’s seriously dead and it might have something to do with Ryan but he probably isn’t and it probably doesn’t.


• CSI New York - Mack could be on his way to being dead with the psycho bank robber who’s up for an Emmy for his fake story.


• Battlestar Galactica - Earth is dead. But the humans and Cylons are now friends so that’s OK.


• Smallville - Clark isn’t dead but he’s probably now under the control of evil Lex Luthor and would rather be dead.


• American Idol - David Archuleta’s personality was declared dead but his singing voice is still kickin’.


• Supernatural - Dean is not only dead but went to hell. But his brother probably sucked superpowers out of a demon and will bring him back.


• Moonlight - Beth & Mick’s lovelife is no longer dead, but it doesn’t matter because the series is.


• New Amsterdam - Ditto for John & Sara and their series.

So that’s a wrap-up of the last TV season. I guess the writers who were on strike got together and decided “let’s kill everyone” while they were on the picket line. Nice twist, guys.