Surprise from the Past

I've been so on the move this past week that I haven't even had time to tell the most amazing story: how a gifted but troubled young gay man who chose to end his life 15 years ago brought four people together in Madrid last weekend to remember him, tell stories of his and their lives, revel in Madrid's Gay Pride celebration in his (and our) honor, and strike up new friendships while healing old wounds.

I was sitting at dinner with colleagues at the Clubhouse in Vouliagmeni, Greece (see below), when I got a call from a TV producer from the U.S., who said he was making a film about an old friend of mine, Todd , whose name I didn't immediately recognize. It then hit me like a bolt of lightning what he was talking about. He had found me through research and the internet... I had spoken to Todd's mother once briefly shortly after it happened, and they found my parents, who gave them my mobile number.

The story 15(+) years ago.

- Todd graduated from high school and went backpacking across Europe.

- He met Peio on the street and they spent four beautiful days together.

- He went on his way, but they stayed in touch.

- Todd went to college but made plans to come to Spain to study and see Peio.

- Peio, in the meantime, met Javi and decided to move in with him.

- Todd came to Spain anyway to study, but to another city.

- He had difficulty with the superficiality of gay life in Madrid, and struggled with not wanting to disappoint his parents.

- He and Peio remained friends, and Todd accepted that Peio was in a committed relationship.

- Todd visited Peio in San Sebastian where I met him.

- Peio's boyfriend Javi pitched a fit, and Todd went home.

- I needed a place to stay in Madrid, so called Todd.

- I went to Madrid, but Todd was nervous and depressed, and demanded I find somewhere else to stay.

- When there was nowhere else to stay, he kicked me out anyway. I found a place.

- I flew home, and after a few days got a telegram for Peio that Todd had jumped to his death.

- I was devastated, and for 15 years had thought I was the last one to see him alive (now we're not so sure).

- Actual cause/circumstances of death were never determined/known by family/friends.

So that brings us to present time.

MTV-owned gay & lesbian LOGO network in the U.S. is doing a documentary on gay siblings, and Todd's twin brother and sister are gay as well. They were going to fly to Madrid and record images of them remembering their dear older brother. I then suggested we find Peio and bring him in as well. With one consultation of Google.es, I found him, called him, and he agreed to come to Madrid. It was the first time I'd spoken to him in 13 years, as we'd lost touch several years after I left Spain. Bizarre that it was so easy to find him!

It was an emotionally and physically exhausting weekend. I wasn't actually aware of the whole Peio/Todd love affair because when I knew Peio, he was with Javi and didn't confide his history with Todd to me. I imagined that I, being the last one to supposedly see him alive, would have the most to tell Louis and Christine, but I didn't. And Peio had been carrying around a significant amount of guilt for the last 15 years about Todd's death (we told him that's rediculous, but people feel what they feel and there's nothing you can do about it). The bond between Christine, Louis and Peio was clear, and in the end I actually played a very small part in the story (other than supporting Peio through this difficult time.

After the interview (program will air on LOGO in November and we'll get DVD's of it), we were surprised with the fact that some of us would be going on a float in the gay pride parade, a huge affair in Madrid. But there were only four "places" and the obligatory costume (tight t-shirt) didn't fit me. And having been clearly sidelined by Peio's powerful story and with the cameras still rolling, I was left to walk behind the float, which thoroughly exhausted me. It might sound exaggerated, but that's the way I felt.

The parade, however, was fun, and I survived it (it was VERY hot!) because of the excellent company of the Spanish translator we had (completely unncessary considering my presence) and her girlfriend, both of whom where delightful and charming women. They took good care of me.

We then met Peio's current boyfriend of six years, who was struggling with the situation, but came around after meeting the twins and hearing the story. He was adorable and very sweet, I hope I get to spend more time with him and Peio in the Basque Country.

In the evening, we went to dinner with the whole gang to the Kupula Basque restaurant (see below), where Peio and I had eaten the night before as well. It was a fun time and the wine/food flowed freely. In the end, Louis picked up the bill and surprised us all with his generosity. I then went back to my hotel while the others went out, because I was flying out the next morning and it was already 2.30 in the morning. They stayed out til after 5, so I was glad I did.

The following day, Peio, Louis and Christine had tattoos done that were appropriate for the occasion: per aspera ad astra (through the thorns, to the stars) - a statement of the sacrifices required in order to achieve a better situation in life. We all mourn the fact that Todd didn't make it through the thorns of coming out as a young man in the early '90's, but celebrate the inspiration he gave us while he was alive and the gratitude we have for the fact that we were luckier and did make it through the thorns and to the stars.

18 hours at home with Wilbert and the kitties, then off to Rome (see below). Now home for three days before Prague, so happy to be spending a 2-day weekend at home. Clebrating Wilbert's belated birthday with a hamburger barbeque and his friends on Sunday. Looking forward to it. And looking forward to staying in touch with Peio in the future as well.