MacBook + MacBook Pro + iPod + iPod + iPod + 300 = MacBook Air

This is the insane formula I used this morning to get my hands on the amazingly gorgeous MacBook Air I'm typing this blog entry on in my favorite cafe. I had wanted one of these ever since Steve announced its availability a few months ago, but the price put it out of reach. Especially for the faster version with flash drive. I had planned to wait until I went to the U.S., but this morning I had a brainstorm: instead of hanging on to all the stuff I'd managed to collect over the past few years (other Apple laptops and iPods), I traded it ALL in at the iCentre in Uitgeest and, with a small additional payment, got my hands on this gorgeous little piece of technology. It made sense... I have a wonderful iMac at home, and I'm using my iPhone for portable internet. This is the perfect "laptop-to-go" - flash drive, so no moving parts, and that means the battery lasts longer as well. I've got a mobile internet subscription, so I can use it anywhere in the country! Almost as fast as WiFi. 

Don't know what it is about me that loves to have new toys, but I do. Some people are into alocohol, drugs, whatever. I'm out of the food business. So toys is all I have left. :-) And I'm super-happy with this one! Thanks, Steve!

Fitna

Right now I'm watching the short film by Dutch right-wing anti-Islam politician Geert Wilders. It's pretty disgusting.  Ironically, in a country that is still highly sensitive about the atrocities of World War II, it looks very much like a Nazi propaganda film. Everything in it is real, and it shows a very ugly side of Islam and it's very most extremest believers, but I realized while watching it that you could make the exact same film about the Catholic Church and the evils that have been done in its name throughout distant (and recent) history. 

The focus of the movie is some of the most violent verses of the Koran and how people use them to justify horrible and unspeakable philosophies of world domination and violence. It's about converting the world to Islam or killing those who won't. It's about a 3-year old girl who has been trained like a monkey to say that Jews are pigs. And it's obviously meant to create great fear among Islamophobes who are afraid that their culture will be overrun by people of different beliefs that they can't relate to.

What I'm having difficulty with (and I assume this was Wilders' goal) is deciding whether this is deplorable propaganda that only spreads hatred of a major world religion and its followers, or whether it is a valid wake-up call; a concentrated and shocking message that is meant to alert the world to the dangers of Islamic extremism. I've been thinking of it more and more in terms of the Germans who ignored the initial signs of danger from Nazi-ism. The complication here is that this particular ideology of Islamic hate comes from a religion, not a political movement, which makes it even less open to inspection, debate and criticism because of the liberal, tolerant, sometimes overly politically correct nature of modern (Western) society. So we may be getting into a situation where the very values that we are trying to defend in Western society are the ones that will cause us to ignore the danger out there. 

I'm a generally very liberally minded person, so I usually tend toward wanting to embrace tolerance at almost any cost - God knows it would be pretty hypocritical for any gay man to do otherwise. But at the same time, this film pretty effectively links violent acts from an increasingly large (and effective) but still FRINGE group to the holy scriptures of a very large group of people, and shows the unprecedented death and destruction these people are causing in modern times. Perhaps it would be easier to defend Islam if there were more Islamic moderates who were out there condemning extremist violence. I've yet to ever see a prominent moderate Islamic movement that strongly rejects the Islamist doctrine of the spread of their religion through violence. Is it because the media doesn't find it as interesting as the fanatics? Could very well be. Still, if I as a Christian were faced with a significant, global violent movement of people from my faith, I would be out there fighting it tooth and nail. 

I also look at this from the perspective of a gay man who has found refuge in a liberal European country that embraces me for who I am, and I do feel threatened by the (often not very religious) Muslim youth in The Netherlands who usually have a very different attitude toward homosexuality than their Dutch counterparts - and over the last year have been increasingly expressing this through anti-gay attacks in our larger cities. And that is surviving into the second generation that is pretty well culturally integrated into Dutch society as well. I of course have a major problem with that - I moved to this country to embrace its values and its culture, so in many ways I can very much relate to the Dutch who feel threatened by a group of people, some of whom actively reject Dutch culture.  

Anybody who is fanatical is dangerous and should be fought against. Christian, Muslim, Jew, makes no difference at all. But how do we fight against them without becoming fanatics ourselves and becoming exactly who we hate so much? That is the challenge and the difficulty here. That is the challenge of a liberal society, and I don't know if it can be won. Wilders has obviously decided to cross that line with this film and fight fanaticism with fanaticism, and I can't support that. But I also don't think we have the luxury of political correctness anymore. The other side has already gone past that point, and we need to find ways to respond that are effective but that don't compromise our integrity and values. And I have no answer to how to do that. 

Half Way!

So yesterday it finally happened. I'm officially half way to my weight loss goal of 76kg (168lbs). 38 down and 38 to go. In about 6 months (with a little bit of prep work ahead of time). Not too shabby! I'll probably cross back and forth over that line a few times this week before diving definitively below it... this time forever.

It's been surprisingly easy, and I've had a tremendous amount of help for which I'm very grateful. It's likely to get more difficult from here on out; common wisdom is that the 1st half is the easiest and the 2nd half (and specifically at the 50% mark) things can get a lot trickier. But I'm dedicated, educated and supported, so should go fine!

Easter Bunny Sunday

I had a really nice Easter Sunday! I'd gone to bed early on Saturday, so I was up bright and early the next morning. We hadn't actually planned to do anything, which felt disappointing to me, so I quickly jumped on line and found out about church services at the American Protestant Church in The Hague. Knowing Wilbert had gone to sleep late and wouldn't be up for a while, I jumped in the car and drove for an hour to get there. The weather was beautiful at the time, and the Dutch landscape is just starting to green up and daffodils are EVERYWHERE. Even along the highways. So it was a pleasurable trip. 

Got there right on time to experience the 10 a.m. "contemporary" service. The music was good, and the sermon was excellent, but it just sort of wasn't my thing. For me, church needs to be either traditional (from my UCC upbringing) or old school gospel (from my MCC experience in D.C.). For some reason, anything else feels to me like the one trying to be the other (i.e. white folk trying to have black church). Just doesn't feel natural to me. But I'm totally aware that that's just because of my own unique history. 

I stuck around for the 11:30 service, which was far more traditional and much more up my alley with the old hymns. The sermon was the same, but I didn't mind hearing it a second time. I understand the pastor is at the end of her tenure there, which is sad because I like her. We'll have to see who her replacement is before I decide whether or not it's worth the 25 euros worth of gas it takes to get there and back every week. I was a little bit sad to see and hear that the choir was pretty small and not up to the standard of quality of choirs I've participated in in the past - again, my bar is set very high after having sung in some really excellent choirs. I've also begun to notice that my singing voice has improved since I've lost so much weight. I guess my voice box had been constricted by the fat in my neck; so another blessing to add to my list! 

At the late service, I got to sat next to two of my colleagues from work, both of whom had lost their wives recently - one as recently as this week. I greatly admired their faith and strength, and continue to pray for them and mourn their losses. They're both great guys.

So then I jumped back in the car for the drive home. On the way back, I called Wilbert and expressed my frustration that we hadn't planned anything special for the rest of the day. He sort of just sees it as a normal weekend day, so he hadn't really planned anything. "Maybe we'll go to my brother's for coffee later." My intuition told me something wasn't quite right here, and indeed his brother had planned a whole nice day with Wilbert's parents and his niece and nephew, and had just sort of assumed that we were invited. I can't imagine NOT spending Easter or Christmas with family somehow, so we made more formal plans and headed over there in the afternoon and had a great afternoon/evening. Wilbert's brother Perry is always such a gracious host. 

At the end of the night, Wilbert asked his nephew, Thomas (who was born literally the week after we met for the first time!), how much he weighed. It turns out that this 10 1/2 -year old kid weighs exactly the amount I've lost to date (give or take 1 kg)! I looked it up and he's completely average for an 11-year old. So that's how much I've lost. An 11-year old kid! :-) Wilbert picked him up (with great difficulty) and looked at me in amazement. :-) 

So I got my church fix and my family fix for Easter 2008! And a nice validation of the progress I've made so far.

Spring Snow

Love this shot with the fluffy wet snow that fell all morning. Was beautiful with the daffodils as a backdrop, but Angel was not amused.

My First High School Boyfriend

Geoffrey Hills & Cindy Singley
Originally uploaded by UW Psychiatry Residency

He'll kill me for doing this, but that's OK. He deserves it. Tonight I found this picture on the web of the first guy I ever "had a thing" with. "Dated" is far too strong a word... we were 15 or 16 and in high school, and we were just friends who "explored" together. Until of course I mentioned the G-word and he didn't speak to me for the rest of high school. Except for one drunken episode in which he apologized profusely for having been such a jerk to me before going back to the silent treatment again the next day. I was really devastated and it really ruined a lot of my high school experience, but sexuality in the 80's was still a bit of a tricky subject in Iowa.

He was funny and really smart, and seems like he's doing well in life now. I wish him the best and hope we reconnect someday. It was 25 years ago, so I think I should probably be over it by now. :-)

Christo at -33.4kg

24/02/2008
Originally uploaded by Krishiqua

A lot of dear friends and family who don't see me regularly have been asking for a recent picture so they can see the "new" me after losing so much weight (33.4kg/74lbs). I don't have a whole body shot (wouldn't really want to share it online anyway!), but here's a good picture Wilbert took of me this afternoon at the beach. I think you should be able to see it in my face. Much more chin, much more cheek and some interesting lines in my face that are starting to betray my age a bit more but were essentially buried under subcutaneous fat before. I'm making good progress... at 44% of my goal, but things are slowing down and I'm going to have to work twice as hard to get the rest of the way. Wish me luck, and thanks for your ongoing support!

Wilbert at the Beach

24/02/2008
Originally uploaded by Krishiqua

Today we went for a walk on the beach. Remarkable for two reasons. 1) It was flippin' FREEZING outside by the time we got there, and walking on the beach when it's that cold and windy gives me a serious ear ache, but the crazy Dutch seem to love it, and 2) I have often refused to do this in the past because it always felt really "unsafe" to me because of my size and lack of physical fitness. I would get worried that my back might go out, or I would have to go to the bathroom and there wouldn't be one, or I'd get into a physical situation (like a high sand dune) that I couldn't handle. All pretty much excuses to avoid physical activity (and pain). So today when he asked me I said an automatic "NO!" until I thought about it for a while and realized that old tape doesn't apply anymore. So I said yes, and it was just fine (except for the freezing wind). Reminds me that I'm a new person with new abilities and significantly reduced limitations. Praise God!

Japanese Girlfriends

24/02/2008
Originally uploaded by Krishiqua

Rocq-e is a fellow Purmerender I met at our favorite Japanese restaurant last year, and we keep bumping into each other there - and tonight it happened again, but with Wilbert there as well for the first time. She is originally from California but has lived in Purmerend for almost 20 years, and she and her husband Patrick are loads of fun and have very interesting lives traveling around Holland with Rocq-e's show Big, Black & Beautiful. Funny thing is we'd just bought tickets to her show in Amsterdam this afternoon! Now that's a coincidence!

A little victory celebration...

What is the only logical present for a guy who has lost 32kg's?

This King Watch by Marc Ecko is fit for none other than a king. If you feel fit to take the position, you can pick up this large watch that is a sure way to make sure you stand out from the rest with it's brilliant polish and multiple rows of rhinestones. To start out this watch features 3 hand Japan movement set on a 3 tier textured dial with rows of rhinestones and web patterns. On top of that the numbers and details are accented with yellow gold and surrounded by a large 48mm bezel with 2 more rows of stones nestled in a polished stainless case and wrapped together with a matching 2 tone polished stainless steel bracelet.

Fancy Dress Party

Our annual company party took place again tonight, and Wilbert came up with a great costume idea for the "Variety" theme they had this year. Well done, old chap!

Smoking Policy in Purmerend

Below is an article published in our local newspaper about some research I did in our town on the smoking policy of restaurants, first in Dutch, then in English. Speaks for itself.

Maar twee restaurants rookvrij
Niet-roker vogelvrij in marktstad
DOOR MARCO VAN NEK

PURMEREND - Twee 'restaurants' in Purmerend zijn volledig rookvrij. Een verademing voor fervent niet-roker Christopher Schouten. Maar in de meeste eetgelegenheden in de marktstad kan hij niet opgelucht ademhalen. Precies de helft van de restaurants heeft geen aparte ruimte voor niet-rokers. Dat vindt Schouten niet meer van deze tijd.

De Purmerender is blij met het beleid van koffiehuis Kaldi in de Breedstraat eq MC Donald's aan de Verzetslaan waar een total rookverbod geldt. Hij vindt dat de overige restaurants daar een voorbeeld aan moeten nemen. Naar aanleiding van het bericht dat in vijftig tot wel zeventig procent van de horeca in Nederland al sinds i januari een rookverbod zou zijn ingevoerd, zette Schouten met een aantal vrienden een onderzoek naar de rookregels in Purmerendse restaurants op. Het resultaat van die inventarisatie noemt hij schokkend. Op 1 juli wordt het wettelijk verplichte rookverbod van kracht, maar tot die tijd lijkt de niet-roker in de marktstad vogelvrij bij een avondje uit eten.

Schouten: ”Purmerend loopt zwaar achter de trend aan. Kijk eens naar Amsterdam. Daar zijn al 37 restaurants volledig rookvrij. Maar waar kan je in Purmerend lekker eten zonder dat je stinkend naar huis gaat? Want naast de gezondheidsrisico's die je als meeroker ongewild loopt, is dat een tweede grote ergernis: de stank. Die trekt in je kleren en je loopt er mee rond. Toen ik laatst in een restaurant in Purmerend vroeg of we ergens anders konden zitten omdat aan alle tafeltjes rondom ons werd gerookt, reageerde een vrouw aan één van die tafels: 'het valt toch wel mee? Ik wilde eigenlijk zeggen 'als ik een scheet-voor je gezicht laat, valt dat dan ook mee!: Want zo smerig is het als je in de tabaksrook zit."

Houtje-touwtje
Dat 45 procent van de restaurants rokers en niet-rokers wel gescheiden houdt, zegt volgens Schouten helemaal niets over de positie van de niet-roker in die eetgelegenheden. ”Waar rokers en niet-rokers worden gescheiden, gebeurt dat vaak heel erg op houtje-touwtje basis. Er is slechte of geen afzuiging van tabaksrook, er staan een paar tafeltjes voor niet-rokers achterin of er mag aan de tafels niet worden gerookt, maar aan de bar wel."

Vanwege het vrije rookbeleid in zijn stamkroeg 'Het Hoedje van de Koningin' op de Kaasmarkt, komt Schouten daar niet meer. ,,Dat heb ik ze ook verteld. Ik laat via mijn portemonnee weten wat ik van het rookbeleid vind. Ze hebben daar nota bene twee verdiepingen, dus hoe moeilijk kan het zijn om gescheiden ruimten te maken?"

Only two smoke-free restaurants
Non-smokers out of luck in Market City
by MARCO VAN NEK

PURMEREND - Two 'restaurants' in Purmerend are completely smoke free. This is a breath of fresh air for fervent non-smoker Christopher Schouten. But in most restaurants in Market City he can’t catch his breath. Exactly half of the restaurants have no non-smoking sections. Schouten thinks this is old-fashioned thinking.

The Purmerender is happy with the policies of coffeehouse Kaldi on the Breedstraat and McDonald's on the Verzetslaan where they ban smoking altogether. He thinks that other restaurants should take a cue from them. Because of the news that fifty to seventy percent of restaurants in the Netherlands had already banned smoking as of the first of January, Schouten and some friends did a survey of the smoking policies of restaurants in Purmerend. He calls the results of the survey shocking. The government ban on smoking starts on the first of July, but until that time, it looks like non-smokers are out of luck if they want to eat out.

Schouten: ”Purmerend lags behind the national trend. Look at Amsterdam. There they already have 37 restaurants that are completely non-smoking. But where can you have a nice meal in Purmerend without going home stinking? Because in addition to the health risks you suffer as a non-smoker, to add insult to injury you go home smelling like an ashtray. You get smoke in your clothes and in your hair and you walk around with it until you shower or wash your clothes. When we went out to eat a few months ago at a restaurant in Purmerend I asked if we could be seated somewhere else because of all the smokers around us. One of the patrons exclaimed, “Come on, it’s not that bad!” and I wanted to tell her “Well if I farted in your face, how bad would that be?” Because that’s how disgusting cigarette smoke is to me.”

Half Ass
Despite the fact that 45 percent of the restaurants offer smoking and non-smoking sections, that doesn’t offer much benefit to the non-smoker, according to Schouten. ”Where they have separate sections, this is usually done in a really half-ass way. There is poor or no ventilation, certainly not what would be required for cigarette smoke, and there are often only a few tables for non-smokers in the back or the restaurant seating is smoke-free but you can smoke at the bar.”

Because of the free smoking policy of his favorite café, 'Het Hoedje van de Koningin' on the Kaasmarkt, Schouten has stopped going there. “I’ve told them that as well. I’ll make my opinion known through my wallet. And considering they have two floors there, how difficult could it be to create a non-smoking section?"

People Who Stand in Their Own Way

I have several friends who want things in their lives. Especially love and new relationships. And they ALWAYS seem to find ways NOT to have them or keep them. Either because of their own defense mechanisms (sarcasm, standoffishness) that they unconsciously use to keep people at bay and feel safe, or because they get afraid and are unwilling to take the emotional or logistical risks necessary to make things work out (i.e. moving). And I don't think they have any idea that they are the ones standing in the way of what they want. Makes me really sad. I've tried addressing it with them before, but they just can't hear it, or feel powerless to do anything about it. Not easy, for sure, but does make me really, really sad because in every case they are special, good, eminently lovable people.

I certainly have my own blind spots as well in life, but taking a risk and going all-out for love has never been one of them, so it makes me particularly sensitive/"allergic" to people who have this problem.

I love you, guys. Figure out what YOU are doing to stand in your own way, and stop it so that you can have what you want (and DESERVE!) in life! Let me know if I can help. I'm here for you.

Home Sweet Home!

Pictures forthcoming, but just a quick word to everyone that we made it home safely. It was a very pleasant trip without any incident... Wilbert always makes it so easy to travel... he's so helpful and laid back - a good balance to my hyper-alertness and tendency to get stressed out. Probably one of the best/easiest/most complicated trips we've ever done, what with long transfer times/distances and train travel in addition to air travel. Thanks, honey!

Also thanks to the many people we spent time with! Especially enjoyable to see were Mike & Joel, Key & Perry, Joel & Joanna, Fritz & Lou, Ashley & Stephan, Mel, Heidi, Merrick & Cristian, and Mom & Dad. Also Ellen, Oliver and Glen and friends! Thanks, guys! It was a fun trip thanks to you!

More to come, but first I've got about 5 hours of sleep to catch up on! A belated Merry Christmas to all!

Family Christmas in Boston

This week I finally got to meet my little nephew, born last May. He's a gorgeous little man, fairly even-tempered, and loves to smile at us a lot. Nice to finally meet you, Cristian!

Christmas with the family in Boston has had its usual fireworks, especially with my brother. My father and sister (and later my mother) and I have had some very honest and vulnerable discussions that I think have led to a much better situation for all of us, which I'm grateful for. Unfortunately, that didn't happen with my brother, and he left this afternoon. Too bad.

Tomorrow shopping and a movie before my niece's Christmas play and Christmas Eve dinner. Most of the presents have already been opened due to my brother's strange schedule, so not sure exactly what we're going to do on Christmas Day! On Boxing Day we take the Amtrak train back to New Amsterdam (New York) and on the 27th we fly back to Old Amsterdam. We're looking forward to seeing friends for their pre-New Year's Eve party, though we've yet to figure out what we're doing for New Year's Eve!

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all!

Whassup, cuz?

We arrived safely to New York City last night after a four-hour flight delay from Amsterdam. Have a raging head cold. But that's where the drama ends. We have a great hotel at a fair price in NJ with the ferry to Midtown literally outside the front door... cool! Went to the top of the Empire State Building today and saw New York from above with pristine (freezing) weather. Went shopping and both got hooked up with fancy new headphones (I must admit that Wilbert's are fancier than mine!) and bought some new clothes that are two sizes smaller than what I was wearing before surgery! :-) 

Tonight went out to dinner with my New York cousins and their spouses (we missed you, Perry!). They are an extraordinary, talented, generous, fun group of people and we very much enjoyed our time with them. Thanks for your presence and your presents, guys! We hope to see them here next week when we're back from Boston after Christmas on our way home. Hopefully their parents will be here as well... that would be an amazing bonus!

We're in at a decent hour, just had some hot tea at the bar, and are ready for bed. I may stay in tomorrow to "uitzieken" (ride out my head cold) while Wilbert hits fabric and knitting stores. Wish me luck!

Scott Kalwishky & Joel Larson

Was talking to some old college buddies this weekend and a name came up of a guy I hadn't thought about for a while: Scott Kalwishky (left and the leftmost guy in the picture to the right). We were never friends, but I knew everyone in Iowa City in the early 90's because I was the doorman at the gay club there for three years. And I saw him every weekend. He was younger than I was (I was in grad school) and we ran in different circles, but I was still curious to find out what happened to him. Then I found out he had died. Not sure of what - doesn't really matter at all - but did some good reminiscing with Joel and Tim about him and was sad to see him having left us. Joel especially had very positive memories about how Scott made him laugh a lot. 

At the same time I was looking for info about Scott, I came across information about another acquaintance, but this time from Des Moines, Joel Larson. I vaguely remember when this happened, but I never knew all the details. He was essentially murdered in Minneapolis (while cruising Loring Park) by someone who was deeply conflicted about their own sexuality. The murderer is now an out gay man in prison, having killed TWO gay guys, including a former state congressman, and wounding another. This murder occurred pre-Matthew Shepard, when the straight world still looked at a gay man getting killed while cruising as a bit of a freak show. He deserved better.

As I talked about with Tim and Joel, it's stuff like that that puts pressure on the rest of us to live our dreams and to live life to the fullest. 

California Episcopals Split from Anglican Communion

See CNN Story

I was furious when I read this. I am a very practical Christian and have very little tolerance for academic Christians who sit around trying to nitpick ever little last piece of Scripture to find out all the little rules that can make them as exclusive and as different as possible from the rest of humanity, which is what they are doing. It's an absolute CRIME AGAINST GOD to be doing that at a time when there is so much suffering and war in the world. They should keep themselves busy with solving that. I hope they lose all their property to the Episcopal Church.

I found their website and wrote them. You can too at van@sjoaquin.net and jgladstone@gladstonepr.com. 

Good riddance, fundamentalist cretins. The Anglican Communion doesn't need sex-obsessed, misogynistic troglodytes within its ranks.

You go down to South America and contemplate the finer points of scripture; with their stellar tradition of democracy and respect for human rights it sounds like it's right where you belong. The rest of us real Christians will continue to feed the poor, heal the sick, console the downtrodden and remember that "The greatest of these is LOVE." I wish those among your diocese who still remember this strength and hope in their search for a new church home.

I speak now out of anger - a language you probably understand with your petty, vengeful schoolmarm of a God. But under that is a deep sorrow for how horribly you've lost your way. And how sad I am that there is no place for people like us in your view of the Universe - when all we are doing is loving one another.

IHS.

Christopher & Wilbert
Married in the Christian Church 23 June this year

Just the way I am...

A telling exchange between me and a colleague:

Christopher: "This whole project is going to be really complicated."
Susan: "Why don't you do something easy?"
Christopher: "Since when do I do easy?"

More Weekend Pictures

At Starbucks, which opened last week at Schiphol Airport. This has the distinction of being the first Starbucks in Holland open to the general public. The other two are at Nike Headquarters in Hilversum and past the security checkpoint at the airport (which means you only get your latte with a a valid plane ticket). This is one of the largest ones I've ever seen, with an impressive extended seating area. WiFi available, but expensive. €12 for 90 minutes, if I remember correctly.

My colleague Karen at work, who has the distinction of being the only other Iowan working at my company. One of my staff refers to the two of us as "Children of the Corn"! :-) This was at the same company outing as with the owl (see below).