Why so quiet?

I haven't been writing that much recently, and there are lots of reasons. But one of the biggest and most important ones is Facebook. I've found it so much easier to keep it up to date than Blogger. Microblogging (or "Status" in Facebook terms) is just much easier than writing entire blog entries, and it's much more fun and easier to interact with friends on their statuses on Facebook too. 

So if you want to keep up with me, come on over to Facebook and send me a friend request! I'll occasionally post over here as well, but Facebook is just the place to be these days! See you there!

A New Strategy for Selling Our House

You buy our house and we'll pay your old mortgage for up to a year if you can't sell it. This is the latest tactic in the Dutch real estate market to get things moving again. And we're the poster children for it. The article here was in yesterday's local newspaper and we'll be in a full-page ad in the Sunday paper. Wish us luck!

40th Birthday in the U.S.!

I left Holland on vacation on Tuesday, and flew to D.C. on United. I used an award ticket so it was really cheap, and consciously chose economy in order to experience what it's like in my "new body". And it was fantastic, effortless and comfortable! A major victory. It helped that the plane was nearly empty, but I was just fine - even in an exit row with fixed armrests. Yeah!

I got to D.C. and spent the evening with dear friend Gail and her partner, Alex. We caught up, went out to dinner (Gail's birthday treat, thank you!), and turned in early, because I had to be up the next morning for a 6 a.m. flight.

Turned 40 on a flight between D.C. and Chicago, and spent the time feeling grateful for my 30's and how much they've brought me and how much I've experienced, for all the positive changes that have recently taken place in my life, and for the family and my wonderful husband. No regrets. A good way to feel.

Arrived in Des Moines, quickly unpacked and headed to the gym for a personal training session (yes, on vacation too!). My sister gave me a series of them for my birthday so I could stay fit while on holiday. Thanks, hon! Was a good workout - 1 hour, which is twice as long as I usually do. Will do three more before I leave!

After a nap, went out for Italian with Mom & Dad for the official birthday dinner. Had pizza for the first time in a year - but only because it was super thin-crust, no cheese, and with vegetable and chicken! Delicious, and Mom & Dad were wonderful company.

So all in all, it was a great, relaxed birthday! And no, I don't feel any older. :-) As a matter of fact, I keep feeling younger every month. :-)

I look forward to seeing friends and more family the rest of this week and next. Feels good to be home! Just sorry that Wilbert couldn't join me. Would have been much more fun!

Minor Fender Bender - Minor Whiplash

Forgot to mention that I had a small accident this week. I was sitting at a stoplight literally around the corner from work, at a total standstill, and some idiot rear-ended me and pushed me into the car in front of me. Will require a few new bumpers (he wasn't going that fast), but the worst of it was a case of minor whiplash it gave me. The ligament connecting my skull to my spine (I believe) is strained, giving me muscle aches and a constant low-grade headache. It's getting better, and hopefully will continue to do so. It's the last thing I needed this week. 

Fall Update

So here's a run-down of what's going on after much silence:

• House not sold yet, very little interest due to the housing market being almost frozen due to consumer fear and tighter mortgages. We're working closely with the realtor to figure out the correct strategy, but we still have a fair amount of time to get it sorted out.
• Preparations for new house are overwhelmingly complex. We of course want to do far more than our available budget would actually allow. So we'll have some difficult choices to make and will have to put some things off. Not really a surprise.
• Turning 40 this week! Having a small dinner tonight at the local Chinese restaurant. I asked people not to bring gifts, just to pay for their own meals. Yet certain people (to remain unnamed) are not attending because they feel strongly that I should pay for them. I'm furious; cheap-ass cloggies. Not that I have strong feelings about this. I'll focus on the gratitude I feel for the people who are there, because there are some great people coming!
• I'm going home to the U.S. for my real birthday and Thanksgiving. Stopping by D.C. to see my dear friend, Gail, on the way for an evening, then proceeding to Des Moines. Will also pop down to Missouri to see my brother and his wife. Looking forward to a relaxing and chilled-out 10 days. Will then spend Christmas at home with Wilbert for the first time ever... time to start some new traditions here.
• Work is insane. I started a new job just a month ago, but circumstances within the company have them asking me to consider doing something else. It's a difficult decision - lots of pro's and con's to each side - and all the variables are not yet known, so I won't make my decision until they are.
• Wilbert is the usual fabulous sweetheart he always has been. We went shopping in Amsterdam last Sunday with Peter and Alp and dropped by Lush, our favorite hand-made bath products shop, and lamented yet again that they had discontinued our favorite Red Rooster soap, made from orange juice, cloves and cinnamon. We then each went and independently ordered it online to surprise each other without knowing, and now have enough of the stuff to start our own Lush shop in Purmerend. How sweet! :-)
• My sister Heidi's kids continue to grow like weeds and look gorgeous, though Cristian is now going through his terrible two's about 9 months early, probably because of the arrival of his new sister, Lauren Sofia. Poor little guy! I'm grateful that I get to see them on Skype video now and again!
• Off to the spa today to enjoy a good pre-birthday soak and pampering.
• Weight is coming off occasionally and sporadically. I'm down exactly 59kg, and can't get to 60 to save my life. Probably because I'm doing a fair amount of strength training as well and building lean muscle, which is heavier than fat. At least I can see some reduction in my waist circumference, and am now down about 14 inches. Will need to buy some new pants in DSM!
• Been working with my "new" trainer Casper for about two months now, and he's tough and good. We never do the same routine twice, and he really pushes me to my limits. I've added some extra cardio to try to get the weight moving down as well, but I may have to settle for a much slower drop in weight in return for better overall health and fitness. The scale isn't the be-all and end-all of life. How I feel is. Hopefully I'll start believing that someday soon. :-)

So that's about it for now! I'll try to get back to writing more from now on.

Our Dream Comes True!

As many of you know, we've signed a contract on a gorgeous new house in August, and we've been fighting (well, mostly just waiting) on the mortgage ever since. A complicated transaction including a restructuring of our finances, money for renovations (new kitchen, dormers across the entire second floor, etc.) and the mortgage for the house itself, so it took a while. About 8 weeks of absolute terror. But today everything came through exactly the way we wanted it! So thanks to everyone for their positive thoughts, prayers and support, and we hope to see you drop by sometime next year when all the renovations are done and we've moved in in time for summer!

A Thoughtful Note from an Old Friend

I can't say I wasn't expecting it. Actually, I'd been looking forward to it all week. Today, I received a e-mail from an old friend... from myself. And more interestingly, from myself a year ago. 

Using www.FutureMe.org, I sent myself a time-delayed e-mail on the day before my lap-band surgery last year. I didn't want to forget what I was feeling at the time, so I write it all down in the form of a letter to my 1-year older self. It was essentially a list of what I wished myself in the future: my hopes, dreams, and what I wanted to accomplish with this major life change. It was also about not forgetting a painful past and WHY I made the changes I did. 

In short, I think I've honored the hopes and dreams of Christopher 2007. Because Christopher 2008 has a radically different and better life today, and I think he would be proud of me. Here's the letter:

The following is an e-mail from the past, composed on Sunday, September 23, 2007, and sent via FutureMe.org
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Dear FutureMe,

Tomorrow I will have gastric banding surgery, and I have no idea what lies ahead of me. What is your life like today? Was it worth it? Was it better because of the risk you took? What have you learned? Who have you become? What is your life like? In order to help you answer these questions, I'm going to tell you a little about my life in case you've forgotten.

Today I can't sit down or stand up without some pain. My back problems are out of control and hurt almost all the time. I can't go up a flight of stairs without breathing hard. I wear size 5x, 22 neck, size 60 pants, and weigh 186kg, but the only scales that can weigh me are at the sauna or the hospital. My blood pressure is OK, but I'm told my heart can't handle this forever. I can't sit in most chairs with arms... most chairs are completely uncomfortable for me altogether. Even flying business class is pretty uncomfortable. I'm tired a lot of the time. I hate the way I look in just about any clothes.

How did I get myself to this point? I will never know how much of it is genetic and how much of it is my "fault". I clearly overeat when I am depressed, stressed or bored. I overeat when traveling. I overindulge when eating out or ordering in. I have however learned a lot about food and have the knowledge I need to succeed... or at least I think I do.

The greatest fear that faces me today (besides getting through surgery safely) is the loss of control over what I can put in my mouth. After tomorrow, it will be strictly controlled by the band. If I misbehave, I get punished. It's a punitive system. I will probably hate having that hanging over my head. By the same token, I tend to do much better with strict guidelines... black and white rules that I can follow. I hope this proves to be true. But the psychological impact of the loss of control and choice is clearly something I'll have to watch out for, as well as cross-addictions. I can't replace my food addiction with anything other than honest feelings and creative expression.

The person I hope you are is: happy, satisfied with your life, a better person, perhaps less bitter and mean. More natural and happier with yourself, and kinder to others. I hope you feel like your body fits you and belongs to you and that you are comfortable in it. Right now I wear mine like a diver's heavy diving suit, far too cumbersome to be wearing day to day.

I hope you have had lots of compassion for yourself, and for those around you. Be kind to them... you need them.

I hope you have used this experience to become a better person as well. This gateway of change you are opening has the possibility to create not just a skinnier life for you, but a better life, and I hope you've taken advantage of everything it has to offer. If not, the sacrifice may not have been worth it.

One way or another, from my perspective right now, you HAVE to do this. You have no choice left. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing, and your life was quickly approaching nothingness when you were me. It just isn't any fun anymore to be me. It's too hard. And it was time to do something about it. I can't help but believing that just about any sacrifice is worth it to get out of the mess I've gotten myself into.

I don't know you yet, but I am eager to get to know the person you have become. I am excited about the possibilities that will open up for you as you successfully embark upon this journey. You are like a child I will do my best to take care of and love until you grow up to become who you were meant to be. I don't fully know who that is, and I will give you the freedom to become whatever person you were meant to become, but know that I will do my best to love and support you through this process.

I love you,

Christopher 23-September-2007

Hanging Out In The Village

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Originally uploaded by Krishiqua

We spend all day yesterday hanging out in our future home - the village of Beets. We took more than 300 pictures of the surrounding countryside, local architecture, and of course, of our future house. So if you feel like wading through them, feel free!

Time for a Break

On the weight loss front, things are at a standstill, but that's OK. After losing 56kg/122lbs, it's time to stabilize at this weight for a while before continuing on. It's recommended by many experts, and this "set-point" is one I've been at before, and my body seems to be comfortable here. I fully intend to go further, but I'm going to take this time to let the forces regroup before striving on toward my goal. But not too much time! :-) 

I'm taking two weeks off the gym, because I haven't given my body a break for seven months. But I have a new appointment with a new trainer in just a little over a week, so I'm fully intending to recommit and keep on working at it. On the food front, I'm not changing much. I'm happy with the way I've been eating, don't consider it a diet, and it feels completely right to me. 

So I'm going to spend at least two or three months NOT being as obsessed with the scale as I have been to date, and just see what happens. If at the end of that period I'm no longer losing, then I will start "twisting the knobs" on various aspects of my life (i.e. exercise quantity, type, nutrition, etc.) to get things moving again. But now is a time for rest and compassion, because I've been pretty hard on myself for the last year, and now it's time to sit back and just enjoy the benefits I've already gained and will never let go of again before moving on to the next phase. I've got a lot to be proud of. 

Repub VP Candidate Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

From Wikipedia:

Palin is pro-life, pro-contraception, and a prominent member of Feminists for Life. In 2002, while running for lieutenant governor, Palin called herself as "pro-life as any candidate can be." She opposes abortion for rape and incest victims, supporting it only in cases where the mother's life is in danger.

Palin opposes same-sex marriage and supported a non-binding referendum for a constitutional amendment to deny benefits to same-sex couples. [!] Palin has stated that she supported the 1998 constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage.

Alone among the candidates in the 2006 gubernatorial election, Palin in a televised debate supported allowing both creationism and evolution in public schools and the next day clarified her position to one of allowing the debate of alternative views. She tried marijuana when it was legal in Alaska, but she does not support re-legalizing it, stating concerns about the message it would send to her children.

Folks, she ain't no Hillary. 

Our New House!

We signed for our new house last night! It's in a small village of 550 people about 15 minutes from where we currently live. I've avoided saying anything about it here in order not to jinx the deal, but we got exactly the house we wanted for exactly the price we wanted and exactly the conditions we wanted! We take posession on 15 April 2009 or sooner if we wish. Still working out the mortgage with some major remodeling funding, but looking good!

BEETS, North Holland, Free-standing house (1989) Idyllicly situated home with a volume of nearly 580 m3 with a connected garage (100 m3) and shed on 1093 m2 land at a peaceful location. The home has a beautiful view of the “De Beemster Ringvaart” (the Beemster Ring Canal) and open fields. Swimming, fishing, sailing and skating are among the many possibilities this offer.

Ground Floor: Grand entryway, half-bath, stairway, L-shaped garden-facing living room with gas fireplace, sliding door to the garden and a separate door to the garden, large L-shaped kitchen/dining room with walk-in utility room with external entrance.

1st Floor: Hallway, 3 bedrooms, full bathroom with separate bath/shower.

2nd Floor: Large storage attic with folding ladder.

More pictures here.

My British Hunting Trip

Had a nice but challenging weekend in London. Nice because of the people I saw (which in the grand scheme of things is the most important), and challenging because I came up against some of the least attractive and most destructive parts of my psyche.



I'm going to remain purposely vague here, but suffice it to say that my life transformation from overweight, handicapped bachelor to fit, responsible married man - though highly successful in most terms - is sometimes proving challenging in psychological terms. Often in ways that I don't expect. The long and short of it is that I've managed to mostly cage the beast of EXCESS in my life, but every once in a while it breaks out and I have to chase it down and put it back. And most of this weekend was spent running all over central London (literally) hunting its big, bad, ugly ass down, tossing it back in the slammer and then doing damage control. Didn't leave much time for anything else.



The damage is controlled - no one was permanently injured - but it pretty much ruined my weekend except for serving to remind me of my role as zookeeper/game warden. And reminding me that I need to find alternative outlets for the beast's needs besides potentially destructive excess. Because I've come too far to let it take control again.



Thanks for tolerating my purposeful obfuscation of the exact turn of events this weekend. That way hopefully you can relate to it better in your own way as well.

My Weight Loss Progress To Date

SEE BELOW FOR NEW POSTS!

My current passion is the serious weight loss process I'm involved in, where it's my sacred intention to lose 40% of my body weight in two years or less. For that reason, this posting will recur every time I have an update until I've reached my goal, showing my current statistics in both kilograms and pounds (for my loyal American readers!). New blog postings will continue to always appear under this one. 

Thanks to all for your ongoing support and encouragement!

To see a list of my qualitative weight loss goals, click here.

The Kitchen Style We Love

Uploaded by www.cellspin.net

Kinderen voor Kinderen song - Two Fathers

Love this, it's so cute. Dutch song (from a few years ago!) about a kid with two dads. Has English subtitles. I love this country! :-)

My iPhone 3G Adventure

After spending 2 hours in line to get the first iPhone last year in West Des Moines, and after having that phone fall to the ground and the screen smash about a week ago, I decided I wanted to join the hype a second time around for the official launch of the iPhone 3G in Holland! 

The launch took place at midnight between the 10th & 11th of July in Rotterdam at the T-Mobile shop on the Lijnbaan. I had covered all my bases at home by reserving it at a few stores here, but I didn't have much hope that it would work out, so decided to ensure myself a phone by going to Rotterdam, booking a hotel, and joining in the fun.

I drove down after work on Thursday (having taken Friday off) and checked into my hotel, packed my "camping" bag, and headed for the line. I arrived at about 8:30 p.m. and found out later that I was number 257 in line. Met two nice guys, Ruben and Robert, both in the Dutch music business, and spend the next six hours with them chatting and passing the time. Was good to have some other people to enjoy the experience with. 

The T-Mobile people took pretty good care of us and had their ducks in a row in terms of the process. Once we made it inside the "compound", it was set up like a party with music, an espresso bar, and free (healthy) food and drink. They photocopied our bank passes and IDs and took our information and then whisked it off for processing. After a few more hours of waiting, they called people one for one into the store to pay for their phones. I made it out by 2:30 a.m. and headed back to my hotel to play for a while before falling asleep.

The next morning at 9 a.m., I was called by the local BelCompany store telling me my iPhone was ready to pick up (!). Oh well. It was fun!

I'll write a review of the phone soon (it's both fabulous and buggy), but here are some photos I've collected on the internet of the event:

The advertising campaign across the country was huge!

The boundaries of the "party zone" at the launch.

The party zone with big screen and the DJ booth on the form of an iPhone.

The iPhone "arrives" in an armored car.

That's me in the red windbreaker lower right.

Smoke-Free Dining!

Excellent news! Restaurants, bars and cafes in Holland are now smoke-
free! We've been waiting for years to be able to enjoy a nice evening
out sans fumigation, and now I'm finally eating 100% smoke-free
sashimi! Hoera! Funny that the same law took effect in my home state
of Iowa today as well!

Sent from my iPhone

Active Weekend!

Might not sound out of the ordinary for other people, but I think I've probably just had one of the most active weekends at home that I've had in many, many years. Here's my list:

1. Friday worked, came home and biked (5km) to gym, worked out with my trainer, got massage, biked home.
2. Saturday got up early, picked up colleague, drove to beach, played 4 games of beach volleyball (1-1-2) at an advertising & media trade event, went shopping at the Apple iCentre, went to a lovely evening dinner/party (Danny's birthday and his and Paul's 2-year old twins got their Dutch citizenship, congrats!).
3. Sunday slowed down just a bit. Got up, worked in the garden, went to Volendammer Dagen with Wilbert and Michael, then went to the spa, came home and made a movie for Wilbert's blog and watch Spain beat Germany in the European Cup final. ¡Viva España!

This from the guy that used to consider a good weekend spending as much time as possible on the couch. :-) 

Don't Tell Me This Doesn't Disturb You

Iowa Floods 2008

A lot of people have kindly asked if my friends and family in Iowa are OK after the devastating floods that have taken place there this month. Though the answer is thankfully yes, my birthplace is a disaster, and it will likely take billions of dollars and many years to recover... and now was not a particularly good time for this to happen with the economic woes of the U.S. 

This is what the scene looked like in Iowa City (where I was born and went to university) and in Cedar Rapids, where I worked for a short while. My thoughts and prayers are with everyone in Iowa.

New vs. Old Company Photos

My high school senior photo (1987).

Company photo taken yesterday (full body):

Company photo taken 9 months ago (notice strategic use of black!):

Company photo taken yesterday (close-up... sty and forehead shine to be seriously PhotoShopped!).

Company photo taken 9 months ago.

I think I'm looking healthier and fresher. Was fun to do these over again to show off my progress. Thanks, Jill!

Christo @ -51.25kg / -113 lbs.

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Originally uploaded by Krishiqua

Some of you asked for a recent whole-body shot of me, so here is one from tonight! Thanks for your ongoing support!

Heart of Stone

My husband is so sweet! I got home from work today, and there's a little monument built in the garden to my weight loss... exactly 110 lbs. (well, 50kg.) of ROSE QUARTZ stones (about 10 of them at 10 lbs. each) stacked on top of each other in a little pyramid. It's so moving and unbelievable that I was carrying that pile of rocks around with me every day. When I look at it, I can really visualize all the work I've done, and it's difficult to really grock the bigness of it (and the smallness of me!). And all the more meaningful that rose quartz is the crystal associated with unconditional love, compassion and healing. Appropriate. And we put a solar garden lamp next to it so hopefully the whole thing will glow in the dark at night. :-)

You Better Work, Amsterdam!

Back to the world of the living! After rebounding from my flu last week, my first official foray into the outside world was to go to the Mirror Ball in Amsterdam with dear husband Wilbert and our friend the Divine Miss D., who performed at our wedding party as well. Was a blast from the past to see headliner RuPaul. Was also my first big gay party in many years, so that was sort of fun. I danced! :-)

American TV Summary 2007-08

Having been sick and in bed most of this week, I’ve caught up on a lot of TV. So if you’re not afraid of spoilers, then here’s the scoop on my favorite shows and my interpretation of their season cliffhangers. You’ll notice a theme here.

• Lost - John Locke isn’t John Locke and he’s dead but probably not for long. Hint: It’s the island. There’s something weird about it.


• CSI (Las Vegas) - Warrick is dead and it looks pretty likely he’ll stay that way. Always happens to the pretty but stupid.


• CSI Miami - Horatio looks like he’s seriously dead and it might have something to do with Ryan but he probably isn’t and it probably doesn’t.


• CSI New York - Mack could be on his way to being dead with the psycho bank robber who’s up for an Emmy for his fake story.


• Battlestar Galactica - Earth is dead. But the humans and Cylons are now friends so that’s OK.


• Smallville - Clark isn’t dead but he’s probably now under the control of evil Lex Luthor and would rather be dead.


• American Idol - David Archuleta’s personality was declared dead but his singing voice is still kickin’.


• Supernatural - Dean is not only dead but went to hell. But his brother probably sucked superpowers out of a demon and will bring him back.


• Moonlight - Beth & Mick’s lovelife is no longer dead, but it doesn’t matter because the series is.


• New Amsterdam - Ditto for John & Sara and their series.

So that’s a wrap-up of the last TV season. I guess the writers who were on strike got together and decided “let’s kill everyone” while they were on the picket line. Nice twist, guys.

First Gay Couple Weds in California

It was a mega-emotional moment in San Francisco when Mayor Gavin Newsom married lesbian rights activists Del Martin, 87, and Phyllis Lyon, 84, shortly after 5 p.m. on Monday. They took the honor of being the first gay couple in California to be legally married. Actually, they had already been married by Newsom once before four years ago when Newsom independently announced that San Francisco would issue marriage licenses to gay men and lesbians, but the courts eventually nullified that agreement.

People are expected to line up at city halls across California on Tuesday, so expect to see this a lot more in the news in the coming days. And while some people would like to consider this a disaster on the same level as the Iowa floods, most of the rest of us look at it as a welcome relief from all the bad news and an opportunity for once to celebrate love and the triumph of the human spirit instead of the more violent and destructive side of nature and of humanity.

I continue to remember the inscription carved in the altar above the church I grew up in: "Love never faileth."

Life in Our Garden

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Originally uploaded by Krishiqua

Now that we've finally got some decent patio furniture, we're spending more and more time in our garden. Meals, coffee, reading, etc., we're loving it. Can't even imagine what it would be like if we had a decent back yard (note foreshadowing of possible future events!). And of course the cats are a big part of that as well, since they OWN the back yard. Here is a picture of me with our oldest, Angel. And aren't I looking healthy and dapper?

Too bad I'm not feeling that way today. Came home from work early and immediately slept for four hours this afternoon. Now heading back again and hoping to feel fit in the morning. Just general malaise and muscle pain with light nausea, but nothing else. Wish me luck.

Lost another 75kg... of clothes

Just had a bizarre experience... 

After I got back from the U.S., I realized that most of my old clothes didn't fit anymore. So I bagged them up and put them in my home office, where they took up a considerable amount of space for the last month. I didn't quite know what to do with them... about seven trash bags worth. Offer them to the weight loss clinic? Not interested. Sell them on EBay? Nobody interested. Throw them away? Wasteful. So tonight Wilbert and I stuffed them all in the car and dropped them off in donation container of a local charity in the parking lot of our supermarket.

To say it felt strange is an understatement. First and foremost, it was about $3000 worth of clothes (conservatively estimated), and it's frustrating not to be able to get any value out of that. Secondly, it was a whole piece of my past I'm leaving behind, and it felt good but weird to do that. It was a clear statement that I'm never planning on going back to that size again.

I have saved my favorite clothes (mostly Ralph Lauren shirts) that are too big in order to have them altered when I really need them. But nevertheless, I said goodbye to an important but unfortunate part of my history today. Still, it was a celebration of everything I've accomplished in the last year... almost like throwing all my excess weight in a dumpster. :-) And it was great to celebrate that together with Wilbert tonight.

Norway adopts gay marriage law

OSLO (AFP) — Norway's parliament on Wednesday adopted a new marriage law that allows homosexuals to marry and adopt children and permits lesbians to be artificially inseminated.
After a heated debate, the members of parliament adopted the text by a vote of 84 to 41.

The three centre-left coalition parties in power and two opposition parties, the Conservatives and the Liberals, voted largely in favour of the law, while the Christian Democrats and the far-right Progress Party voted against it.

Norway thus became the sixth country in the world to grant homosexuals the right to marry on an equal footing with heterosexuals, according to Norwegian television TV2.

"This decision is of an importance comparable to universal suffrage and our law on parity," Labour Party rapporteur Gunn Karin Gjul said during the debate.

The most controversial part of the law is that which gives lesbians the right to be artificially inseminated. The sperm donor must be identified so that the child can seek out his or her biological father at the age of 18.

"We are now creating a system where the father is reduced to a sperm sample," lamented Ulf Erik Knudsen, a member of the far-right.

Outside the parliament, a handful of opponents protested with posters reading "Have fathers become superfluous?" and "Parliament has no mandate to change the laws of nature."

Among other things, the new legislation replaces a so-called "partnership law" adopted in 1993 which gave Norwegian homosexuals the right to civil unions.

The new law is expected to enter into force at the end of this year or early next year. Homosexuality was illegal until 1972 in Norway, a country which has since become one of the most liberal in the world in the field.

Dutch Lunch Sucks

A little piece done a few weeks ago at work, featuring moi! :-)

Bye Bye Morbid Obesity!

It may sound strange (OK, it does), but I am pleased to announce that as of today, I am officially no longer morbidly obese. This is determined by your Body Mass Index (BMI). And today for the first time in many years, my BMI dipped below the point where one is considered morbidly obese (40 or greater). I’m now a 39.9, and proud of it! :-) Because morbid obesity is a chronic illness, it also means I have beaten a chronic health condition and am well on my way to a much more healthy lifestyle.

So goodbye, morbid obesity, and hello normal obesity! Pleased to meet ya!

BTW, according to the BMI system, I’d have to weigh a ridiculously low weight to be “normal”. I will be more than pleased when I can drop from “obese” into just plain “overweight” and reach my goal of 115kg, of which I am now about 2/3 of the way toward achieving. My pace of loss has picked up nicely again with some extra exercise (lots of biking!) and I’m losing at a pace of about 1kg a week again, which is great!

American Idol Winner David Cook

If you don't know about David Cook, then check this video out (vooral mijn Nederlandse vrienden die hem nog niet kennen!). There's something about this new American Idol wi'nner's humble, laid-back attitude, quirky look and deep, sexy voice that makes him not only a really great artist but really attractive! Check him out and buy his CD when it comes out! He really deserved to win over the dwarf. :-)

My husband at work

I have such an appreciation for my husband's passion for his work. Here's a picture of him in action at a recent hobby gathering, and he was there all day talking to everyone about what they do and what he can mean to them. He loves what he does so much that sometimes I'm jealous! And he works with some really beautiful products and helps others be creative, and they all appreciate what he does for them. A good kind of job to have. See www.schoutenhandwerken.nl, www.willswools.com and www.brei.tv for his store and blogs.

From Las Vegas to Beijing

Wasn’t home for any more than two weeks before jumping on a plane and heading to Beijing. I now have (really good and really nice!) staff in China and Korea so needed to go out and set up some plans for the year. Was a great trip all in all - got a lot of work done, ate some fabulous (and pretty healthy) food, and enjoyed the company of my colleagues in China. I’ve known many of them for seven years ore more, so it’s like seeing old friends.

This time there was of course a very sad note to the whole trip: the devastating earthquake in Sichuan Province. People in Beijing seemed truly saddened and moved by the whole thing, and the folks in our office were all collecting funds for the relief effort - more than $4000 of their own money - which is a heck of a lot in China. The company, instead of simply donating money, is going to let people come in to work on Saturday and will donate the salaries of everyone who worked that day to charity, so everyone feels like they have skin in the game.and are doing something with their effort to contribute. It’s a pretty nice way to do it, I thought.

On Monday, the government declared three days of national mourning, and the entire office participated in three minutes of silence, with everyone standing silently at their desks while all the cars outside blared their horns in mourning. It was a very moving experience, and I was moved to be a part of it.

I’m now on the plane on the way home, and looking forward to being there for a while; it’ll be a month until I need to travel again, and even that’s up in the air. I could stand being at home for a while. I miss Wilbert, and it’s hard to stick to my health and weight-loss program when I’m on the road. The temptations are too big and it’s too hard to stick to my exercise program, though I did make it to the gym twice in Beijing.

Tomorrow I’m back to the clinic to see how well I’ve been doing over the past 7 weeks. Missed the last time because I was in Vegas. At last official count I was at 150.4kg (7 weeks ago) and am hoping this time to be under 145 kg. That will be quite a bit slower than my past progress, but still in the acceptable to OK range. Wish me luck!

What I'm Grateful For

An important part of any change process is to inventory what that change has brought you and to remember and appreciate that. It helps justify the effort you’ve put into something, as well as motivate you to continue. This has definitely been true for my weight loss process as well.

So here I’m going to start keeping a running list of things I’m grateful for after losing so much weight. Some of them might seem sort of simple, others somewhat surprising; some mundane and some highly significant, but it’s all true for me. And I am indeed truly grateful for it all!

The Things I’m Grateful For After Losing 44kg

1. People are constantly complimenting me and it feels good! I have to remind myself not to get used to it and just brush it off because it’s special!


2. I am now completely without joint pain in my hips or knees.


3. My lower back is strong and pain-free.


4. I can comfortably sit in almost any chair, including on airplanes!


5. I can sit down and (especially!) get up without pain or effort.


6. I can sit on the floor/ground whenever I want to without having to worry about how I’m going to get up again.


7. I sweat 90% less than I used to, even with exertion or when it’s warm!


8. I can walk long distances without pain or exhaustion.


9. I can buy shirts and coats in a normal (American) store!


10. Clothes fit better and don’t look like tents.


11. My feet have gone from a “Wide” to a “Medium”, meaning I can buy shoes in a normal store too!


12. I know about myself that I can maintain a disciplined exercise regimen that is doable, even a little bit fun, and benefits my body.


13. I can really enjoy smaller quantities of food without feeling like I want/need more. An apple is a joy when I’m paying attention to eating.


14. I can reach parts of my body that I never could before! Handy for putting on lotion after sunburn when Wilbert isn’t around! :-)


15. I can stretch, reach and bend into positions I never could before... without pain.


16. My exercise regime and weight loss have also helped me strengthen my upper back and improve my posture. Before, this was a chronic problem that had me in physical therapy and suffering from uncontrollable pain.


17. I don’t snore anymore, which has really made my husband’s life a lot better too.


18. I’m a better and more active partner.


19. My level or activity and motivation to do things has increased immensely. If something needs to be done and/or I need to move/climb/go somewhere to do it, then I don’t hesitate; I just do it. Hence less procrastination and worrying and more productivity and peace.


20. I can travel without pain, discomfort or exhaustion and ENJOY it 100 times more!


21. Rings and watches fit a lot better! I actually bought a ring in a store!


22. People tell me I look younger and can’t believe I’m going to turn 40 this year.


23. I fit better in my car.


24. Don’t need a seatbelt extender in airplanes.


25. I can sleep on my back comfortably and without snoring.


26. My balance is better.


27. “Marital relations” are better. Enough said.


28. My husband is focusing more on his health as well.


29. I’ve been EXTREMELY healthy ever since surgery. Two very minor colds (all during vacations - blah!) and that’s been it.


30. I seem to have less difficulty with jet lag and recover faster from long trips.


31. I have more energy and tire far less easily.


32. I have a generally more positive attitude and know I can accomplish big things!


33. I have learned that there are things I can’t do without help from others.
34. I can hug people better because there isn't my basketball of a belly between us!
35. And in related news, the whole spooning thing finally works in both directions now! :-)

I’m sure this list will continue to grow and grow over time, and I look forward to adding to it!

What happened with my weight on vacation...

It had the potential to be an utter disaster. I ate 4 pieces of prime rib in three weeks and even sucked down half a coconut cream pie. But I worked out 8 times, walked a lot, ate my fruit and vegetables every day and kept my Starbucks lattes "skinny". I figured I'd broken even and not gained or lost anything. Then I went to the gym tonight and ended up finding out I'd lost 2.5 kg (5.5 lbs) in less than 4 weeks. That's slower than my normal pace (excuuuuuuuuuuse me!), but it's still above the expectations of my clinic for normal, healthy weight loss (0.5 kg per week)! I'm da bomb! Yeah, dawg! You worked it out!

And I celebrated by replacing my entire wardrobe, because I've dropped from a 5x to a 2x, from a size 60 waist to a 52, a 22 neck to a 19, and have punched more new holes in my belts than I can count. When I got home on Monday I literally cleared out 90% of my closet and stuffed it in 5 trash bags sitting behind me, and replaced it with the new "Summer Collection" purchased in Las Vegas. :-) Now I've got to figure out what to do with all this old crap. But that will be a pleasure. 

Iron Man is da bomb!

Went to Iron Man with my high school buddy, Jordan, today (at Jordan Creek Mall, of all the places!) and it was SERIOUSLY good! Loved it! Robert Downey Jr. was fantastic, funny and super-believable in his role as Tony Stark, and all of his bad-boy history in real life seemed to lend him some credibility to play the bad-boy role in the film. His timing in both the comedy and action scenes was right on. And he looked pretty hot too. :-) It's well worth the two hours and whatever a movie ticket costs in your neck of the woods, though the ending was slightly anti-climactic, I thought. Am hoping it does well enough to warrant a sequel!

Tulip Time... But Where?

High School Orchestra & Christopher
Originally uploaded by Krishiqua

You might look at this picture and assume I'm at home somewhere in Holland. Volendam? Zaanse Schans? Logical, but wrong. This picture was taken today in Pella, Iowa, during the annual Tulip Time festival held there. This majority-Dutch town was founded in the mid-1800's by a Dutch pastor and businessman named Scholte who came to the U.S. in search of religious, intellectual and economic freedoms.

Click on the picture to see the 100 photos I took in Pella today on Flickr! Even though it was only 45 minutes away from my parents' house, it was a REAL TRIP!

My Other Commitment

After a long and unexpected layover in Denver International Airport, I came across a beautiful ring that I felt drawn to. The picture does not do it justice, and I'll try to replace it soon. It's made out of sugilite and opal with 14kt. gold by an Arizonan artist and jeweler. The reason I love it is because it shows these brilliant and light opals emerging from a beautiful but dark background, representing my reclamation of my health and everything that life has to offer me now that I'm battling my way back from the darkness. I will wear it every day on my right hand (my wedding band is on my left hand according to Wilbert's family's tradition, which is Dutch catholic), and it will symbolize my ongoing lifelong commitment to my health and wellness. And it's gorgeous. :-)

Sugilite, a fairly recent discovery (1944) is found in Japan, Canada and India. The most important occurrence was found in 1975 in the Kalahari Desert, Northern South Africa. In 1979 a large deposit of gem grade sugilite was found 3200 feet below the original discovery.

Sugilite is named for the Japanese geologist who discovered the first specimens, Ken-ichi Sugi. It is opaque with a waxy luster and ranges from a pale grayish lavender to a deep dark purple.

Sugilite is also known under the trade names of "Royal Lavulite" and "Royal Azel"

Sugilite often contains black matrix, reddish brown or yellowish blotches and ranges between 6 - 7.5 on the Mohs scale of hardness.

Bright purple stones with little matrixing or blotches are the most valued. Gem grade sugilite is beautifully translucent and because it is quite rare it brings a high price.

Folklore, Legend, and Healing Properties:

It is said that sugilite strengthens the heart, aids physical healing and reduces stress. It is a balancer of mind, body and spirit and encourages peace of mind, a general feeling of well being and spiritual love.

It is also suggested that sugilite seems to protect against and dissipate anger and other negative energies.

Bye Bye Vegas

So do you think Wilbert should go for a new career? :-)

It was a WONDERFUL last day in Vegas. We had a leisurely morning, then strolled up the strip to Mandalay Bay (well, tried to stroll, but there were to many golf carts and trams offering us rides!). After winning at Blackjack, we had a nice lunch at Red, White & Blue (half a turkey ruben with the cheese ripped off) and then went to the Shark Reef. Small compared to other aquariums  I've seen but worth the trip. Then we took a cab to the Wynn to see that for the first time before going back to the apartment and spending some time at the pool. We then got gussied up and went over the Lawry's, where we had one of the best meals (and servers) EVER (Wilbert's treat!). We then went back to the Wynn for the show La Reve. It was indescribable and magical.  Then I won another $200 at blackjack. So in the end it was a fabulous day and I won more than enough money at the casino tables to pay for it all, as well as a little bit of my vast shopping booty. :-) A great way to end our vacation together. Today I head to Des Moines and Wilbert heads home. I'll miss him.

New & Improved Corporate Drag Christo

Forgive the splotchy complexion and overexposed photo, but this is me in a fresh new suit and tie ready to go do press and analyst interviews at the National Association of Broadcasters show in Las Vegas. And if I do say so myself (and I do), I knocked 'em dead. Lots of positive comments about my appearance, and I think I did a good job as well. Bought loads of new clothes: am down from a 60 to a 52 waist (almost 50!), and from a 22 neck to a 19, and from a 5XL shirt to a 2XL. And yesterday, for the first time in many years, I walked into a "normal" store in a mall and bought four polo shirts off the rack (most places in the U.S. carry XXL these days). It was a special moment.

All is well in Las Vegas. Much more to come.

Back to Sin City

I’ve been to Las Vegas at least once a year for the last eight years for work (sometimes twice!), and now I’m back again. And I have an incredible love/hate relationship with the place.

On the one hand, it’s America, where I grew up, with all of the comforts and conveniences that I grew up with (but then magnified): everything’s open 24 hours a day, there’s great food, great shopping, and it’s all about EXCESS. For those of you reading this in the U.S., Holland (and Europe in general) is much more sober and low-key in the way they express themselves, so to say Las Vegas is culture shock for most Europeans is putting it lightly, I believe.

My life over the last six months has been about learning the fine art of moderation - especially with eating. “Moderation” is not usually in the vocabulary of a Scorpio, let alone a triple Scorpio! And I’ve learned it well, and prepared myself mentally for what it would be like to be in Las Vegas again ahead of time, because I knew it would present a lot of challenges. I’ve found the places where I can buy fresh fruit to take with me, found the best place to buy bottled water, etc. etc. etc. to make sure I stay on track. I did a good job at dinner last night: ate half a house salad, half a piece of prime rib with all the fat trimmed off, and some broccoli. No dessert, no wine, no eating everything on my plate: I was pretty proud. Then had the leftovers for breakfast this morning. Did well on the plane as well.

Now it comes to my last remaining vices: gambling and techno-toys. I got the gambling thing under control quite some time ago: learning to set limits and pace myself, and to only spend what I was willing to lose. So that’s what I did last night, and got really lucky: twice. I was up $500, and this morning was bored and lonely with nothing to do so promptly lost $300 of bit back to The House. :-(

I’m still up $200, so that’s not really the point. The point is why we as human beings have the need to engage with such passion in consumption, hedonism and risky behavior. Why we are driven to acquire. I’ve been thinking a lot about that recently. Reducing food intake hasn’t really brought up any conscious emotional issues for me, it HAS seemed to increase my desire and obsession to WANT THINGS. And at the same time, I’m listening to Oprah & Eckhart Tolle’s podcasts, and learning (more) about the ego and its insatiable and bottomless NEED for THINGS so that it can define itself. “I am the person that has a MacBook Air.” “I am the person who won $500.” “I am the Director of Marketing.” Things, money, titles, all meaningless, really. They are not the soul. They are not what gives us our connection to Essence, Source and God.

I suppose I did the best thing I could do in the face of the situation. I realized it was going on and got up and walked away, and then took myself out into the sun and the fresh air (which are both fabulous AND free) and took a nice walk over to Caesar’s Palace, where I’m sitting now, and got present by focusing on the sun on my body, the beauty of all the snap dragons (flowers) that are planted everywhere, and how strong and full of energy my body feels when I walk compared to the last time I was here. Those are things that have nothing to do with money or things. And they are the only things in life you can really “take to the bank.” So I’m going to try to focus my energy on that (and the necessities of work) while I’m here, and try to enjoy life to the fullest without breaking the bank.

But I do need some new clothes. I’ve earned them. :-) But AFTER church.

An upcoming milestone...

As horribly clinical as it sounds, another 6,5 kilos to go before I leave behind "morbid obesity" (forever) and step into the exciting realm of "normal obesity". At my rate of loss that should be the end of May. I think I'll throw a party. :-)

Just to put things into perspective, a picture from about 10 years ago and now:

Tiptoe Through The Tulips - Keukenhof 2008

It was a (mostly) sunny day out - a little chilly - so I drove down to the Keukenhof as planned, but met my American colleague Susan (whose husband was also out of town) for lunch and we went together, which was a lot more fun than going alone! We wandered slowly through the park and I took a lot of pictures. It was a relaxing afternoon. Click here for more pictures.

Before I knew it it was time to drive back up North and go out to dinner with Barry, Richard, Hans, John, Michael and Jan, which was a blast. We're lucky to have a very nice group of friends here in town. Thanks to everyone for making it a tolerable day with Wilbert away - who by the way is going to come home early - hoorah!

Bachelor Weekend

Wilbert is on a business trip to Germany for a few days, so I get to spend the whole weekend by myself. After making breakfast for him, putting together a little care package for his train journey and dropping him off at the station, I came home and didn’t quite know what to do with myself. I have historically used eating and shopping to combat boredom (and any number of other uncomfortable feelings), and I had to be very vigilant for that yesterday. I managed to stay inside and do useful things like cleaning the stove until after the shops closed, which was a major victory in overcoming my ego patterns. I put Oprah & Eckhart Tolle on my iPhone (if you haven’t checked this out yet, download it for free on iTunes) and slowly wandered in the direction of our local Japanese restaurant in another part of town (about 2.4km each way). Because my heel isn’t fully healed, I took it sort of easy and didn’t rush, but that went really well with what I was listening to. I realized on the way how much of my local environment I had actually missed out on by not walking more over the last 10 years, because I discovered some interesting new things I’d DRIVEN by a million times but never really paid attention to before. Like a little war monument about 2 blocks from my house that commemorates four Dutch men who were killed on that spot by the Nazis during WW II. The podcast I was listening to only heightened the experience of living in the moment and noticing (but not judging) the nature around me. It was a nice walk. Burned a few calories too.

I usually hate eating alone, so I brought a friend with me, my MacBook Air, and ended up eating sashimi and Japanese vegetables while chatting online with a friend in the U.S. who has also had lap-band surgery and has a gay son. It was a nice chat and I felt like I’d been out to dinner with someone. :-)

Afterwards I walked home, listened to more Eckhart & Oprah and came across this beautiful scene while crossing the bridge (the photo doesn’t do it justice), and right afterwards had one of those ZING moments listening to the podcast. Won’t go into too much detail, but I essentially learned the the origin of my materialistic nature. Doing something about it is a different story; not so clear on that part yet. :-)

Had a good night’s sleep, and am now going to get some breakfast, jump into the car, go to the Keukenhof flower gardens and do some photography, and then come home and go out to dinner with some friends, so it should be a pretty fabulous day!

Good Time in Amsterdam

I had lots of fun today on an assignment for work. It was a roundtable discussion on digital television on Amsterdam; a paid opportunity for our company to talk about its role in the industry. It will be published in a magazine next month. I was there with another technology vendor and the chief technology officer for one of the local cable companies. It was moderated by the magazine’s editor, and we spent two hours talking about the trends in technology and products in the industry. What consumers want and what they probably don’t. Was really fun to be talking about something that I feel passionate about and love. Funny that I’m one of the few people in my TV company who really loves TV. :-)

What Goes Up Must Come Down

After thinking my foot was 99% better, I woke up this morning and my Achilles tendon on my right foot was stiff and burning when I extend it too far. The problem is that it extends when I walk. I had just been thinking yesterday how grateful I was that everything was better again. Oh well. Will just have to baby it again for another couple of weeks before it gets better again, then I’ll have to be REALLY careful for the medium to long term until it’s all the way better again.

MacBook + MacBook Pro + iPod + iPod + iPod + 300 = MacBook Air

This is the insane formula I used this morning to get my hands on the amazingly gorgeous MacBook Air I'm typing this blog entry on in my favorite cafe. I had wanted one of these ever since Steve announced its availability a few months ago, but the price put it out of reach. Especially for the faster version with flash drive. I had planned to wait until I went to the U.S., but this morning I had a brainstorm: instead of hanging on to all the stuff I'd managed to collect over the past few years (other Apple laptops and iPods), I traded it ALL in at the iCentre in Uitgeest and, with a small additional payment, got my hands on this gorgeous little piece of technology. It made sense... I have a wonderful iMac at home, and I'm using my iPhone for portable internet. This is the perfect "laptop-to-go" - flash drive, so no moving parts, and that means the battery lasts longer as well. I've got a mobile internet subscription, so I can use it anywhere in the country! Almost as fast as WiFi. 

Don't know what it is about me that loves to have new toys, but I do. Some people are into alocohol, drugs, whatever. I'm out of the food business. So toys is all I have left. :-) And I'm super-happy with this one! Thanks, Steve!

Fitna

Right now I'm watching the short film by Dutch right-wing anti-Islam politician Geert Wilders. It's pretty disgusting.  Ironically, in a country that is still highly sensitive about the atrocities of World War II, it looks very much like a Nazi propaganda film. Everything in it is real, and it shows a very ugly side of Islam and it's very most extremest believers, but I realized while watching it that you could make the exact same film about the Catholic Church and the evils that have been done in its name throughout distant (and recent) history. 

The focus of the movie is some of the most violent verses of the Koran and how people use them to justify horrible and unspeakable philosophies of world domination and violence. It's about converting the world to Islam or killing those who won't. It's about a 3-year old girl who has been trained like a monkey to say that Jews are pigs. And it's obviously meant to create great fear among Islamophobes who are afraid that their culture will be overrun by people of different beliefs that they can't relate to.

What I'm having difficulty with (and I assume this was Wilders' goal) is deciding whether this is deplorable propaganda that only spreads hatred of a major world religion and its followers, or whether it is a valid wake-up call; a concentrated and shocking message that is meant to alert the world to the dangers of Islamic extremism. I've been thinking of it more and more in terms of the Germans who ignored the initial signs of danger from Nazi-ism. The complication here is that this particular ideology of Islamic hate comes from a religion, not a political movement, which makes it even less open to inspection, debate and criticism because of the liberal, tolerant, sometimes overly politically correct nature of modern (Western) society. So we may be getting into a situation where the very values that we are trying to defend in Western society are the ones that will cause us to ignore the danger out there. 

I'm a generally very liberally minded person, so I usually tend toward wanting to embrace tolerance at almost any cost - God knows it would be pretty hypocritical for any gay man to do otherwise. But at the same time, this film pretty effectively links violent acts from an increasingly large (and effective) but still FRINGE group to the holy scriptures of a very large group of people, and shows the unprecedented death and destruction these people are causing in modern times. Perhaps it would be easier to defend Islam if there were more Islamic moderates who were out there condemning extremist violence. I've yet to ever see a prominent moderate Islamic movement that strongly rejects the Islamist doctrine of the spread of their religion through violence. Is it because the media doesn't find it as interesting as the fanatics? Could very well be. Still, if I as a Christian were faced with a significant, global violent movement of people from my faith, I would be out there fighting it tooth and nail. 

I also look at this from the perspective of a gay man who has found refuge in a liberal European country that embraces me for who I am, and I do feel threatened by the (often not very religious) Muslim youth in The Netherlands who usually have a very different attitude toward homosexuality than their Dutch counterparts - and over the last year have been increasingly expressing this through anti-gay attacks in our larger cities. And that is surviving into the second generation that is pretty well culturally integrated into Dutch society as well. I of course have a major problem with that - I moved to this country to embrace its values and its culture, so in many ways I can very much relate to the Dutch who feel threatened by a group of people, some of whom actively reject Dutch culture.  

Anybody who is fanatical is dangerous and should be fought against. Christian, Muslim, Jew, makes no difference at all. But how do we fight against them without becoming fanatics ourselves and becoming exactly who we hate so much? That is the challenge and the difficulty here. That is the challenge of a liberal society, and I don't know if it can be won. Wilders has obviously decided to cross that line with this film and fight fanaticism with fanaticism, and I can't support that. But I also don't think we have the luxury of political correctness anymore. The other side has already gone past that point, and we need to find ways to respond that are effective but that don't compromise our integrity and values. And I have no answer to how to do that. 

Half Way!

So yesterday it finally happened. I'm officially half way to my weight loss goal of 76kg (168lbs). 38 down and 38 to go. In about 6 months (with a little bit of prep work ahead of time). Not too shabby! I'll probably cross back and forth over that line a few times this week before diving definitively below it... this time forever.

It's been surprisingly easy, and I've had a tremendous amount of help for which I'm very grateful. It's likely to get more difficult from here on out; common wisdom is that the 1st half is the easiest and the 2nd half (and specifically at the 50% mark) things can get a lot trickier. But I'm dedicated, educated and supported, so should go fine!

Easter Bunny Sunday

I had a really nice Easter Sunday! I'd gone to bed early on Saturday, so I was up bright and early the next morning. We hadn't actually planned to do anything, which felt disappointing to me, so I quickly jumped on line and found out about church services at the American Protestant Church in The Hague. Knowing Wilbert had gone to sleep late and wouldn't be up for a while, I jumped in the car and drove for an hour to get there. The weather was beautiful at the time, and the Dutch landscape is just starting to green up and daffodils are EVERYWHERE. Even along the highways. So it was a pleasurable trip. 

Got there right on time to experience the 10 a.m. "contemporary" service. The music was good, and the sermon was excellent, but it just sort of wasn't my thing. For me, church needs to be either traditional (from my UCC upbringing) or old school gospel (from my MCC experience in D.C.). For some reason, anything else feels to me like the one trying to be the other (i.e. white folk trying to have black church). Just doesn't feel natural to me. But I'm totally aware that that's just because of my own unique history. 

I stuck around for the 11:30 service, which was far more traditional and much more up my alley with the old hymns. The sermon was the same, but I didn't mind hearing it a second time. I understand the pastor is at the end of her tenure there, which is sad because I like her. We'll have to see who her replacement is before I decide whether or not it's worth the 25 euros worth of gas it takes to get there and back every week. I was a little bit sad to see and hear that the choir was pretty small and not up to the standard of quality of choirs I've participated in in the past - again, my bar is set very high after having sung in some really excellent choirs. I've also begun to notice that my singing voice has improved since I've lost so much weight. I guess my voice box had been constricted by the fat in my neck; so another blessing to add to my list! 

At the late service, I got to sat next to two of my colleagues from work, both of whom had lost their wives recently - one as recently as this week. I greatly admired their faith and strength, and continue to pray for them and mourn their losses. They're both great guys.

So then I jumped back in the car for the drive home. On the way back, I called Wilbert and expressed my frustration that we hadn't planned anything special for the rest of the day. He sort of just sees it as a normal weekend day, so he hadn't really planned anything. "Maybe we'll go to my brother's for coffee later." My intuition told me something wasn't quite right here, and indeed his brother had planned a whole nice day with Wilbert's parents and his niece and nephew, and had just sort of assumed that we were invited. I can't imagine NOT spending Easter or Christmas with family somehow, so we made more formal plans and headed over there in the afternoon and had a great afternoon/evening. Wilbert's brother Perry is always such a gracious host. 

At the end of the night, Wilbert asked his nephew, Thomas (who was born literally the week after we met for the first time!), how much he weighed. It turns out that this 10 1/2 -year old kid weighs exactly the amount I've lost to date (give or take 1 kg)! I looked it up and he's completely average for an 11-year old. So that's how much I've lost. An 11-year old kid! :-) Wilbert picked him up (with great difficulty) and looked at me in amazement. :-) 

So I got my church fix and my family fix for Easter 2008! And a nice validation of the progress I've made so far.

Spring Snow

Love this shot with the fluffy wet snow that fell all morning. Was beautiful with the daffodils as a backdrop, but Angel was not amused.

My First High School Boyfriend

Geoffrey Hills & Cindy Singley
Originally uploaded by UW Psychiatry Residency

He'll kill me for doing this, but that's OK. He deserves it. Tonight I found this picture on the web of the first guy I ever "had a thing" with. "Dated" is far too strong a word... we were 15 or 16 and in high school, and we were just friends who "explored" together. Until of course I mentioned the G-word and he didn't speak to me for the rest of high school. Except for one drunken episode in which he apologized profusely for having been such a jerk to me before going back to the silent treatment again the next day. I was really devastated and it really ruined a lot of my high school experience, but sexuality in the 80's was still a bit of a tricky subject in Iowa.

He was funny and really smart, and seems like he's doing well in life now. I wish him the best and hope we reconnect someday. It was 25 years ago, so I think I should probably be over it by now. :-)

Christo at -33.4kg

24/02/2008
Originally uploaded by Krishiqua

A lot of dear friends and family who don't see me regularly have been asking for a recent picture so they can see the "new" me after losing so much weight (33.4kg/74lbs). I don't have a whole body shot (wouldn't really want to share it online anyway!), but here's a good picture Wilbert took of me this afternoon at the beach. I think you should be able to see it in my face. Much more chin, much more cheek and some interesting lines in my face that are starting to betray my age a bit more but were essentially buried under subcutaneous fat before. I'm making good progress... at 44% of my goal, but things are slowing down and I'm going to have to work twice as hard to get the rest of the way. Wish me luck, and thanks for your ongoing support!

Wilbert at the Beach

24/02/2008
Originally uploaded by Krishiqua

Today we went for a walk on the beach. Remarkable for two reasons. 1) It was flippin' FREEZING outside by the time we got there, and walking on the beach when it's that cold and windy gives me a serious ear ache, but the crazy Dutch seem to love it, and 2) I have often refused to do this in the past because it always felt really "unsafe" to me because of my size and lack of physical fitness. I would get worried that my back might go out, or I would have to go to the bathroom and there wouldn't be one, or I'd get into a physical situation (like a high sand dune) that I couldn't handle. All pretty much excuses to avoid physical activity (and pain). So today when he asked me I said an automatic "NO!" until I thought about it for a while and realized that old tape doesn't apply anymore. So I said yes, and it was just fine (except for the freezing wind). Reminds me that I'm a new person with new abilities and significantly reduced limitations. Praise God!