Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Not just for roofs anymore!
The stress of the last three months (wedding, work and upcoming surgery) has earned me another ride on the Shingles Express. Not what I needed a week before surgery.
The left side of my upper back has been hurting for about a week, and physical therapy didn't help (though drugs did a bit). Seized up and irritated - sort of a burning sensation with occasional shots of severe pain if I stressed it too much (mostly due to poor posture).
This morning a fairly sizable rash appeared on my side - long and blistery. I put 2 and 2 together and headed to the emergency clinic where the doctor agreed with my diagnosis and prescribed me valacyclovir and a lidocaine salve. Said he usually wouldn't give me anything, but that considering my upcoming surgery, a more aggressive approach was called for.
To top it all off, I'm sitting at the airport on my way to England for three days (doctor told me there was no reason I couldn't). So not happy about being away from home too. At least it will be three fairly calm days of training.
So that's all my moaning and whining for now. Wish me luck!
The left side of my upper back has been hurting for about a week, and physical therapy didn't help (though drugs did a bit). Seized up and irritated - sort of a burning sensation with occasional shots of severe pain if I stressed it too much (mostly due to poor posture).
This morning a fairly sizable rash appeared on my side - long and blistery. I put 2 and 2 together and headed to the emergency clinic where the doctor agreed with my diagnosis and prescribed me valacyclovir and a lidocaine salve. Said he usually wouldn't give me anything, but that considering my upcoming surgery, a more aggressive approach was called for.
To top it all off, I'm sitting at the airport on my way to England for three days (doctor told me there was no reason I couldn't). So not happy about being away from home too. At least it will be three fairly calm days of training.
So that's all my moaning and whining for now. Wish me luck!
Friday, September 07, 2007
Exhausted, satisfied, home
Wow, it's been a whirlwind summer. First the wedding (and all the many months of preparation), then my company's annual 3-day customer meeting, which I was responsible for (luckily with some fabulous help from several colleagues), and now the IBC trade show in Amsterdam, which lasts for five days, including through the weekend. Luckily one of my able-bodied colleagues was responsible for that, though I gave a lot of support here and there with various things. Add to that our new advertising campaign, and this is the single biggest body of work I believe I have ever delivered in such a short period of time.
I've been generally really happy with the outcome of everything. The wedding went off exactly the way we wanted it to, and I've actually enjoyed it more after it happened than while it was happening (which is somewhat typical of me - I'm a 3 on the enneagram if you know what that means). The User Group went off very well with nary a hitch (one or two small ones), though the content could have been fresher - partly my fault and partly the fault of the industry where technology has outpaced the ability of companies to implement it effectively, so things are sort of stagnant or frozen right now. The ad campaign is really fun and unique and gorgeous, but there are a few execution flaws we might have to fix - it all had to happen on such tight time schedules, it was crazy. But generally, I'm quite happy with everything. And quite grateful to the great (mostly new!) colleagues that helped pull it all off. Good job, team!
Now, after finishing IBC and a short trip to England (robbing me of yet another weekend day), it is going to be all about me for a while. I should get called for my surgery sometime the week of the 17th, and then will know exactly when I have to go in the next week. I've been talking a lot about it to people, who are curious about how it works. That has lead me to get pretty enthusiastic about the whole affair - sort of an Adjustable Gastric Band Ambassador - and I'm feeling really ready for it.
Last but not least, I'm really happy to be back at home with Wilbert and not so much of a stress chicken (cool Dutch term) as I've been. Time to get back to basics, and I'm looking forward to it.
Friday, August 31, 2007
Same-Sex Marriage in Iowa?
Far from a done deal, but a step in the right direction!
The ruling was in response to a December 2005 lawsuit brought by six same-sex couples seeking to wed. They were denied marriage licenses and claimed such treatment violates equal-protection and due-process clauses in the Iowa constitution.
The court also struck down a state law declaring valid marriages are only between a man and woman.
The Iowa District Court for Polk County advances the case to the Iowa Supreme Court which will make a final decision on same-sex marriage, according to Lambda Legal, a gay and lesbian legal organization representing the couples.
The 63-page ruling, written by Judge Robert Hanson states: "Couples, such as plaintiffs, who are otherwise qualified to marry one another may not be denied licenses to marry or certificates of marriage or in any other way prevented from entering into a civil marriage pursuant to Iowa Code Chapter 595 by reason of the fact that both persons compromising such a couple are of the same sex."
The law describing marriage as between a man and a woman, "constitutes the most intrusive means by the state to regulate marriage. This statute is an absolute prohibition on the ability of gay and lesbian individuals to marry a person of their choosing," Hanson wrote.
Lambda says the six couples are all in long-term relationship - one couple has been together for six years, another couple has been together for 17 years.
"Three of the couples are raising children, others are planning families, and all want the responsibilities of marriage and the protections only marriage can provide," according to the organization.
"We respectfully disagree with the court's decision, and we're going to ask for a stay," said Polk County Attorney John Sarcone.
He said his office will examine whether it's best to file a motion to reconsider. But barring a change in the court's opinion, Sarcone will appeal the ruling.
Co-counsel for the plaintiffs along with Lambda Legal, Dennis Johnson called the ruling "a significant step forward in recognizing the constitutional rights of all Iowans, and it's an amazing day for same-sex couples and their families all across Iowa."
Iowa court rules same-sex couples can marry
Story Highlights
- Six couples file lawsuit in 2005 after they were denied marriage licenses
- Suit: Denials violated equal-protection, due-process under state constitution
- District judge rules: Same-sex couples "may not be denied licenses to marry"
- Court strikes down state law declaring marriage only between man and woman
The ruling was in response to a December 2005 lawsuit brought by six same-sex couples seeking to wed. They were denied marriage licenses and claimed such treatment violates equal-protection and due-process clauses in the Iowa constitution.
The court also struck down a state law declaring valid marriages are only between a man and woman.
The Iowa District Court for Polk County advances the case to the Iowa Supreme Court which will make a final decision on same-sex marriage, according to Lambda Legal, a gay and lesbian legal organization representing the couples.
The 63-page ruling, written by Judge Robert Hanson states: "Couples, such as plaintiffs, who are otherwise qualified to marry one another may not be denied licenses to marry or certificates of marriage or in any other way prevented from entering into a civil marriage pursuant to Iowa Code Chapter 595 by reason of the fact that both persons compromising such a couple are of the same sex."
The law describing marriage as between a man and a woman, "constitutes the most intrusive means by the state to regulate marriage. This statute is an absolute prohibition on the ability of gay and lesbian individuals to marry a person of their choosing," Hanson wrote.
Lambda says the six couples are all in long-term relationship - one couple has been together for six years, another couple has been together for 17 years.
"Three of the couples are raising children, others are planning families, and all want the responsibilities of marriage and the protections only marriage can provide," according to the organization.
"We respectfully disagree with the court's decision, and we're going to ask for a stay," said Polk County Attorney John Sarcone.
He said his office will examine whether it's best to file a motion to reconsider. But barring a change in the court's opinion, Sarcone will appeal the ruling.
Co-counsel for the plaintiffs along with Lambda Legal, Dennis Johnson called the ruling "a significant step forward in recognizing the constitutional rights of all Iowans, and it's an amazing day for same-sex couples and their families all across Iowa."
Sunday, August 19, 2007
Beie lekker, man!
Our friend Hans celebrated his belated birthday tonight with a party celebrated in South African style! Hans was inspired by his holiday trip last year and, as an accomplished cook, he was able to put together a delicious dinner of South African delicacies (non of which I can remember, unfortunately). It was quite impressive! And the company was lovely as well. Thanks for a lovely evening, Hans and co.!
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Bearforce1: Only in Amsterdam!
Where else could crazy shit like this happen? I can't figure out whether it's the coolest thing I've ever seen or absolute trash. Or both. :-) Enjoy this little postcard from Holland. The big girls are representing!
A New Blog Is Born
Instead of boring you lot to death with my endless ramblings about my upcoming weight loss surgery, I've decided to set up a new blog specifically for this topic (since Blog Diversification seems to be all the rage these days, Timo!). It will also be a kind of journal for me and an opportunity to share my experiences with others who are considering going through the same thing.
The link is on the right side of this page, or click here.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Gastric Banding Surgery Date Finalized!
I've been in preparation for weight loss surgery for more than a year now; following the process of going to my G.P., going to the Dutch Obesity Clinic, getting insurance approval and then going through a group presentation and pre-operative screening. I could have had the surgery already before the wedding, but decided I would much rather enjoy the wedding without being in recovery from the surgery. So this week I went back and had the final consultation with the anesthesiologist and got the final go-ahead for surgery the week of 24 September. I'll get a call the week ahead of time with an exact date. Exciting and scary!
For anyone who doesn't know what adjustable gastric banding is, check out the Wikipedia article on the topic for a good view of what I'll be facing.
I've essentially gotten to the point now where I can survive going to work everyday and minor outings - and even business trips if pressed to - but that it just plain hurts to do any other physical activity because of my weight. My knees are OK, but my hips and my back give me a lot of trouble. And I can't imagine going into my 40's feeling like this... it's just completely unacceptable to me. So I'm going to do something about it, and to tell the truth, I can't wait. As a matter of fact, I've already started altering my eating patterns in preparation for the surgery.
I should lose 2-4 kgs. per month, so next year this time I could be significantly slimmer, and another year after that, I could be pretty close to my goal. which is around 120 kgs., though we'll have to see what I'm looking like closer to the time. I'll have lots of help along the way... not just supportive husband and friends, but a whole team of experts from the Nederlandse Obesitas Kliniek (NOK) in Hilversum, where I'll be getting physical therapy, group therapy, a nutritionist's advice and other aftercare.
So I'm scared, excited, can't wait, anxious, hopeful, and ready. Wish me luck! It's time to change my life for the better... and for good.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Congratulations, Barry & Richard!
Our most heartfelt congratulations go out to Barry & Richard, who got married this past Tuesday! Another couple of gorgeous men off the open market! :-) We wish you many happy years together, dear friends. We're here to support you in every way we can! And we can't wait for the party!
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Welcome, Mr. Miyagi
We went to get our hair cut at Carmen's last night, and she told us about a new sushi place in the new neighborhood being built south of town in a sort of strip mall. We were somewhat incredulous... the sushi place on the town square was closed last year, so we figured Purmerend's tastes weren't sophisticated enough to support another Japanese restaurant. But luckily we we wrong!
mr. miyagi
van damplein 221448 nb Purmerend
Noord-Holland
Tel.: 0299 416 907
It was fantastic... very modern and lots of natural light. The food was great, and the owner, a Dutch-Chinese guy named John, was engaging, friendly and knowledgeable. We'll be spending a lot of time there, and we encourage you to do the same!
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Gay Pride Amsterdam
Though I was still at home recovering from the head cold I got this week, and Wilbert was working and came home with the same head cold I had, we followed Amsterdam Gay Pride on the local TV channel AT5, where we were not surprised to see our dear friend and renowned Amsterdam drag diva Miss Donna-tella Williams (a.k.a. Frank, middle above) with her friends Bellissima la Cantante and Charite Carmen (a.k.a. Paul & John).This year's biggest news items were the inclusion of a boat of gay and lesbian teenagers 16 years old and younger, a boat of heterosexual supporters, and a boat from the Amsterdam city council.
Thursday, August 02, 2007
Sick Chicken
Felt a tickle in my throat on Monday night after dinner, and by Tuesday morning it was a full-on head cold. Went into work for an important meeting and a goodbye lunch for an employee on Tuesday, but paid for it by being flat on my back all day yesterday. This morning it's moved into my chest and I'm coughing up all sorts of stuff, but I'm feeling a bit better. Am probably going to try work tomorrow to get some stuff done before taking it easy this weekend. Going stir crazy already. But can't go more than a few hours without having to lie down, and as soon as I lie down, I have coughing fits again. Blech! Can't wait to get better.
Saturday, July 28, 2007
Girls Gone Wild!
Ah, the scary things that can happen when you play "Vogue" with a bunch of drunken queens at a party! :-) Notice the ring-leader.
Another look back...
Hard to believe it is already a month ago that we got married at MCC-DC in Washington! And we keep enjoying the memories every day. Yesterday, we got a CD-ROM in the post from our dear friends Harvey & Ellen in Maryland with some more pictures we'd not yet seen. We especially loved this one, which shows us in our wedding finery with some custom boutonnieres with a Dutch wooden tulip from the floating flower market in Amsterdam and a U.S. mini-calla lily. Thanks to everyone who contributed photos so far: Josh (especially!), Tim, Michael, Jeff, Merrick (a budding photographer since she was 4!), Kahunya (habari, bibi!), and Jeroen (in NL).
Anyone else have any pictures to share? Let us know!
Friday, July 27, 2007
www.Starbucks.nl
Well, it might not seem like a big deal to you, but after more than 10 bloody years of waiting, there is FINALLY a fucking Starbucks in The Netherlands! The cruel irony is that it might as well be inside Fort Knox, because you can only go there if you are flying to a country that's part of the EU - it's at the airport behind security!The other bad news is that my little test of it today showed that at least a few of the Dutch staff have not yet mastered the friendly American Starbucks style:
Me: "Is that my caramel frappaccino?"
Her: "Does that look like caramel to you?"
Me: "Well, yes, it does."
Her: Eyes roll.
So there's still some major work to do there. Hope they open one outside of security somewhere soon... it's about time!
Monday, July 23, 2007
Big Mac Daddy
Sold some stock to pay off the final wedding bills and decided to spend some of the leftover proceeds on a MacBook Pro, my first serious step into the world of Apple. So far I'm loving it to death, and am even more excited about the upcoming Leopard operating system in October! More on my new Mac experiences soon!
Friday, July 13, 2007
Kind Words
Today I received a really lovely e-mail from a dear uncle that I didn't know that well growing up but that I've really admired and enjoyed spending a lot of time with in my adult life. He sort of floored me with what he had to say to me:
Dear Christopher,
In the afterglow of your and Wilbert's wedding, I have found myself thinking about the relationship you and I have formed as adults over the past fifteen years or so. Recently, I have been struck by how you have made your own life into what you needed by the most amazing series of choices and commitments. You have made decisions and done things for which ordinary folks would lack the courage. Your actions have been faithful to who you are and have had an enormous positive impact on those who love you. I admire you very much and wish nothing but the best for you in life.
It's true that I've taken some pretty big leaps/risks in life, and that's because somewhere I learned to trust my intuition, to not question myself too much, and to commit to something and trust the universe will rise to support me. I'm grateful for this feedback, and very grateful for the life I have and the wonderful people like Fritz I have in it.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Josh & Lorie in Holland
My brother Josh just got a new job and is about to move with his lovely wife Lorie to Missouri, so to celebrate this important transition in their lives, they popped over to Europe for a few weeks of rest and relaxation... and American-style speed sight seeing. :-) They stayed with us for five days and as usual were a pleasure to be with. We had dinner one night at Wilbert's parents' in Hoorn. Good luck with your new life, guys!
Holland USA!
One of the oddities of the area I grew up in is the small town of Pella, Iowa. Founded by a group of about 800 Dutch colonists seeking religious freedom and economic opportunity in the mid 1800's, it still very actively promotes its heritage today.
Wilbert and I drove over for the day and enjoyed this little bit of Holland in the USA during our honeymoon trip. It was fun and a bit strange all at the same time! :-)
Wilbert and I drove over for the day and enjoyed this little bit of Holland in the USA during our honeymoon trip. It was fun and a bit strange all at the same time! :-)
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Bye Bye USA & Thank you!
It was a wonderful trip and we got to see oodles of wonderful people! We were honored by your presence at our wedding and shower, and enjoyed seeing you elsewhere too! Thanks for your warmth, generosity and hospitality!
This photo was from our last morning in Des Moines where we had breakfast at Perkins with my parents and dear friend Stacey (who is a loyal blog reader, gorgeous and available!). :-)
The trip home was without incident. Actually half-way comfortable for economy seats in a 767. Made it back to work today and am doing OK despite a crap night's sleep. Good to see everyone back at work, they're nice people. :-)
This photo was from our last morning in Des Moines where we had breakfast at Perkins with my parents and dear friend Stacey (who is a loyal blog reader, gorgeous and available!). :-)
The trip home was without incident. Actually half-way comfortable for economy seats in a 767. Made it back to work today and am doing OK despite a crap night's sleep. Good to see everyone back at work, they're nice people. :-)
iPhone
Leaving the AT&T store on the 29th of June with my brand new iPhone. Who cares that the phone doesn't work (for now) in Europe... everything else that does work is simply AMAZING. It does exactly what it promises to do in the ads, and sets a new standard for the consumer electronics industry. Let's hope they are up to the challenge like Apple is!
Sunday, July 01, 2007
20th High School Reunion
It was fun! A really large group of down-to-earth, nice people. Had a great time and there were a few surprises. One "he" is now a "she", and the last person in the world I expected to be gay brought his boyfriend. Heartwarming moments. :-) Was lots of fun.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Heidi's Surprise
My sister, who gave birth to a gorgeous premature baby last month, Cristian Cruz Almodovar, wasn't expected to make it to our wedding, but she moved heaven and earth (and Cristian is doing great!) so she came. It was wonderful having her there (though I always knew in my heart she would find a way to make it!), and reminded me of the importance of family. I've scanned a ton of old pictures while at home in Des Moines and will distribute them to family, but this one made me think of her fondly. :-)
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Flowers
All our flower arrangements were based on wooden tulips we bought from the Flower Market in Amsterdam and calla lillies purchased locally. They matched our color scheme and the flags hanging in the sanctuary perfectly.
LimoPoepies
Us in front of the hotel after arriving back from the church in our lovely limo. An expensive item, but nothing like removing travel hassles to reduce stress!
Monday, June 25, 2007
U.S. Wedding
It was a beautiful day, filled with friends and family, love and JOY! We'll write a lot more about it later, but here is the picture that says it all. There were no stronger family values on that day than the ones going on in that church! :-) It was magical, beautiful and so special!
For more pictures, just click on the one to the right and you'll be taken to our Flickr PhotoStream! Many thanks to our dear brother Josh for the excellent photography work!
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Wedding Thank You's
There are a couple people without whom our wedding would not have been anywhere near as fabulous, so we'd like to thank them here and also give them our highest recommendations (in the case of the vendors):
All of our friends and family who did little things to make it a special day, like Jeroen for his great photos (the first we've seen!), Richard, Barry and Hans for filming with our camcorder all day (what a treat!), Hans for playing chauffeur, Frank for his delightful performance, and so on and so on! You guys are the best!
- Limmen Bakery, Purmerend, for our excellent wedding cake!
- Hotel Purmerend (Van der Valk), especially manager Tim Ursem, for a fantastic party location and excellent service
- Asa-Foto.nl, our photographers, though they still have to prove themselves! :-) www.asa-foto.nl
- De Kunstenarij in Ede, who ran our art activity that produced our beautiful wedding present http://www.kunstenarij.nl/
- D.J. Dolphin, our excellent D.J. who did his job professionally, quietly and excellently! http://www.djdolphin.nl/home
- Freek Seiffers, our "trouwambtenaar", who did a great job of presiding over our ceremony with humor and feeling. Everyone liked him.
All of our friends and family who did little things to make it a special day, like Jeroen for his great photos (the first we've seen!), Richard, Barry and Hans for filming with our camcorder all day (what a treat!), Hans for playing chauffeur, Frank for his delightful performance, and so on and so on! You guys are the best!
Viva Las Vegas!
Well, Phase 1 of Project Honeymoon has began! We left for the U.S. last Sunday at 12:30 p.m., after circumnavigating most of North Holland, which was suffering from some odd traffic jams for a Sunday morning. We got two seats together next to the window, and despite the economy (plus) seating, it was a relatively comfortable flight, except for the fact that my body decided it was no longer willing to digest or retain food and Wilbert wasn't feeling very well either. Probably all the heat and stress of the past few days. We're feeling better now.
We arrived in Washington D.C. and had a brief delay/plane change before starting the 5 hour flight to Las Vegas. Got here around 9 p.m., hopped in a town car, and made it to our wonderful apartment at the Marriott Grand Chateau, a beautiful time-share property just off-strip and across the street from the Planet Hollywood shops.
After a somewhat dodgy night's sleep, we got up and made breakfast in our kitchenette, and then went to a sales presentation for the property. Wilbert was adamant that we shouldn't make such a big investment just after getting married, and just before buying him a car and perhaps a new house. A very common sense approach, so we put of the decision for another year and committed to coming back again next year to reconsider and enjoy the property again.
We then started our shopping activities, including a gorgeous Ed Hardy t-shirt, some Abercrombie & Fitch shirts and shorts, some new PSP games and two new Fossil watches. We love the fact that the U.S. dollar is currently still in the toilet, effectively giving us a 25% discount on everything. :-)
We freshened up and napped at the apartment before going out for dinner and a little gambling at P.F. Changs and the new Planet Hollywood (formerly Aladdin) Hotel & Casino. The upgrades they've done are very nice, but I won't be convinced it's an improvement until it's done. Their nightclub does apparently have a gay night on Fridays.
Had a decent night's sleep (with the help of some pills) and a lovely American breakfast Wilbert cooked in our apartment, and now we're going clothes shopping before an afternoon at the pool, then the Cirque du Soleil show Mystere tonight at Treasure Island! Tomorrow prime rib at Blackstones in the Monte Carlo and then the Lance Burton magic show, Thursday dinner with friends Karen & John, and Friday the Bill Maher show at the Hard Rock Hotel! So we're keeping busy and having fun in Vegas!
We arrived in Washington D.C. and had a brief delay/plane change before starting the 5 hour flight to Las Vegas. Got here around 9 p.m., hopped in a town car, and made it to our wonderful apartment at the Marriott Grand Chateau, a beautiful time-share property just off-strip and across the street from the Planet Hollywood shops.
After a somewhat dodgy night's sleep, we got up and made breakfast in our kitchenette, and then went to a sales presentation for the property. Wilbert was adamant that we shouldn't make such a big investment just after getting married, and just before buying him a car and perhaps a new house. A very common sense approach, so we put of the decision for another year and committed to coming back again next year to reconsider and enjoy the property again.
We then started our shopping activities, including a gorgeous Ed Hardy t-shirt, some Abercrombie & Fitch shirts and shorts, some new PSP games and two new Fossil watches. We love the fact that the U.S. dollar is currently still in the toilet, effectively giving us a 25% discount on everything. :-)
We freshened up and napped at the apartment before going out for dinner and a little gambling at P.F. Changs and the new Planet Hollywood (formerly Aladdin) Hotel & Casino. The upgrades they've done are very nice, but I won't be convinced it's an improvement until it's done. Their nightclub does apparently have a gay night on Fridays.
Had a decent night's sleep (with the help of some pills) and a lovely American breakfast Wilbert cooked in our apartment, and now we're going clothes shopping before an afternoon at the pool, then the Cirque du Soleil show Mystere tonight at Treasure Island! Tomorrow prime rib at Blackstones in the Monte Carlo and then the Lance Burton magic show, Thursday dinner with friends Karen & John, and Friday the Bill Maher show at the Hard Rock Hotel! So we're keeping busy and having fun in Vegas!
Monday, June 11, 2007
C & W Exchange Vows
This was for me the most beautiful moment of the ceremony. You don't usually actually even get to say anything other than "Yes, I do", but our justice of the peace gave us the chance to speak our own vows to one another, making an otherwise somewhat impersonal ceremony much more personal and sentimental.
C & W Sign Marriage Certificate
Wilbert has such a serious look on his face (but with a tinge of a smile) as he signs the marriage certificate. I don't have any idea what I was thinking at the time, I was so completely out of it between the heat and the overwhelming emotion.
Decending the Town Hall Steps with Bubbles
Rice is a big no-no, so our wedding planner arranged bubbles (in a little container the shape of a wedding cake!), and all our guest blew bubbles as we decended the staircase.
C & W Greet Fans from Balcony
My favorite picture to date, Wilbert and I greet our friends and family from atop the balcony outside the 2nd floor wedding room at the old town hall. I was still on Cloud 9 and felt like I was floating. :-)
Family Outside of Town Hall
Following our wedding, we gathered with the whole family outside for photos before going to lunch.
Wedding Cake
Six layers, each one with frosting roses in each of our six colors! It was chipolata (sp?) flavored with a really fine and creamy texture; delicious! We of course have the top layer saved at home in our freezer! :-)
Saturday, June 09, 2007
We're Married!
It was a day that was all about warmth! The warmth we feel for one another, the warmth we feel for our friends and family and that they feel for us, and the incredible (and sudden) warmth of the weather that kept us sweating like corn-fed Iowa hogs all day long!
We started out with our friend Carmen joining us first thing in the morning to get our hair whipped into shape. She put on enough hairspray for us to remain perfectly coiffed all day long, despite the heat. Thanks, Carmen!
The photographer then arrived at 9:30 and we spent an hour in the garden and walking around our neighborhood and its beautiful canal and parks taking pictures. We used our extensive knowledge of modeling from having watched 120 episodes of America's Next Top Model (and Britain's Next Top Model and Holland's Next Top Model) in order to create gorgeous pictures.
Our friend and my colleage Nadra then arrived to make sure everything was ready to go for the rest of the day, then our friend Hans then drove us to the old town hall, where all our friends and family were waiting outside.
The ceremony was quick but emotional, with Wilbert and I sharing emotional vows with each other, and were also very moved when they played "You Raise Me Up" by Josh Groban during the official signing of the marriage license by us, the justice of the peace and Wilbert's mom and dad.
We then took additional family and group photos outside before proceeding to a delicious lunch at our favorite cafe in town with a select group of friends and family.
Exhausted, we took a quick break back at the hotel (soaked in a freezing cold bath to get rid of some of the heat), and then spent the afternoon doing a special art activity which I'll write more about a different time. We then had dinner in a beautiful greenhouse before starting the evening's festivities at 7 p.m. Reception line, gifts, unique guest book, wedding cake, first dance, disco, special performance by a friend, lots of great conversations, free-flowing booze, fantastic dance music, all until 1 a.m. Was tons of fun, crazy, exhausting and fabulous.
Insanely tired today, but the only thing we have to do is pack, so we're cool. We leave for Las Vegas, Washington D.C. and Des Moines tomorrow.
THANK YOU to all of our dear friends and families for making it a memorable and fabulous day for us. We hope you all had lots of fun as well, and we can't wait to see you all again soon!
Friday, June 08, 2007
De Trouwspeech
Huwelijk van
Christopher Jon Rosebrook en
Willebrordus Wilhelmus Maria Schouten
op 8 juni 2007 om 11.00 uur
Stadhuis aan de Kaasmarkt te Purmerend
Hartelijk welkom op het stadhuis van de gemeente Purmerend voor de plechtige voltrekking van het huwelijk van Christopher en Wilbert. Zij komen zodadelijk binnen en ik wil u vragen ze een daverend welkom te geven. Voordat ze binnenkomen nog een paar huishoudelijke mededelingen: mobieltjes uit en geen rijst strooien alstublieft!
(muziek)
Christopher en Wilbert, ook van harte welkom voor de voltrekking van jullie huwelijk in aanwezigheid van jullie familie en vrienden.
Het is een mooie dag om te trouwen deze Se juni 2007 en ik hoop dat het een dag wordt die jullie nog lang zullen herinneren en vieren met jullie dierbaren.
Je krijgt niet altijd waar je om vraagt in het leven. Vaak leidt dat tot teleurstellingen en frustraties. De kunst van het leven is juist om tevreden te zijn met wat je krijgt. En nog beter is het om goed je ogen open te houden, want soms struikel je bijna over datgene waar je al zo lang op wacht en zie je het niet. Andere keren moet je nog eens goed nadenken of je wei het goede hebt gewenst. Je prioriteiten bijstellen, heet dat. Voortschreidend inzicht. Tevreden zijn met wie je bent is de belangrijkste voorwaarde om gelukkig te worden. Ais jij het geluk niet hebt gevonden, kan je een ander ook niet gelukkig maken. Soms duurt het even voor je de juiste wens hebt geformuleerd. Soms weet je al op je lSe waar je naar op zoek gaat, soms pas op je 2Se. Sommige mensen komen er nooit achter. Dat is bij jullie zeker niet het geval. Je weten precies wat je wilt en vooral ook wie je wilt. Een duidelijke keuze!
Een paar weken geleden was ik bij jullie om deze huwelijksvoltrekking te bespreken. Ik ben nog nooit zo een trouwkaart tegengekomen: prachtig en wat een zorg en aandacht is daar aan besteed.
Christopher is een andere persoonlijkheid dan Wilbert; ze vullen elkaar perfect aan. Christopher is druk en impulsief en Wilbert is bedachtzaam. Wilbert haalt koffie en Christopher laat mij de werking van de TV, de afstandsbedieningen en de PC + aile decoders zien. Wilbert heeft ook lang gewacht met "ja" zeggen. Maar het is ook een volmondig "JA".
Wilbert vertelde gepassioneerd over zijn werk met modestoffen en de nieuwe ontwikkelingen op dat gebied.
Christopher is Marketing director bij Irdeto (coderen en decoderen) Hij kan vanaf de andere kant van de wereld Wilbert bij wijze van spreken laten afwassen.
Ze hebben mij verteld dat ze verslaafd aan elkaar zijn en met dit huwelijk een nieuwe fase in hun leven ingaan. Ze passen bij elkaar en ze houden zielsveel van elkaar. Allemaal prima redenen om met elkaar te gaan trouwen. Het eerste deel in Purmerend en het tweede deel in de VS.
Nu dat geregeld is ga ik voorlezen waar je "Ja" tegen zegt als je met elkaar trouwt:
Echtgenoten zijn elkaar trouw, hulp en bijstand verschuldigd en indien nodig verplicht om elkaar te onderhouden.
Echtgenoten zijn tegenover elkaar verplicht elkaars kinderen op te voeden. Bij rechtshandelingen hebben jullie elkaars toestemming nodig. Bijvoorbeeld bij het kopen of huren van van een huis of bij het doen van schenkingen, tenzij de wet anders vermeldt.
Beiden hebben het recht, maar niet de plicht om de naam van de echtgenoot te gebruiken. Christopher heeft mij expliciet gevraagd om u mee te delen dat hij heel erg dankbaar is voor het respect en de warmte die hij heeft ondervonden bij de familie van Wilbert. Hij zal de naam Schouten dan ook met trots dragen.
Dan gaan we nu over tot het voltrekken van het huwelijk:
Willen jullie gaan staan, elkaar de rechterhand geven en antwoord geven op de volgende vraag:
Christopher Jon Rosebrook neem jij aan tot je echtgenoot: Willebrordus Wilhelmus Maria Schouten en beloof je trouw aile plichten te vervullen die de wet aan het huwelijk verbindt, Wilbert lief te hebben en te respecteren in goede en slechte rijden, bij ziekte en gezondheid en ik rijkdom en armoede. Wat is daarop je antwoord?
Willebrordus Wilhelmus Maria Schouten neem jij aan tot je echtgenoot: Christopher Jon Rosebrook en beloof je trouw aile plichten te vervullen die de wet aan het huwelijk verbindt, Christopher lief te hebben en te respecteren in goede en slechte rijden, bij ziekte en gezondheid en ik rijkdom en armoede. Wat is daarop je antwoord?
Dan verklaar ik, Freek Seiffers, ambtenaar van de burgerlijke stand van de gemeente Purmerend dat jullie door het huwelijk aan elkaar verbonden zijn. Ik wil jullie daar van harte me feliciteren.
(ringen)
Jullie mogen elkaar nu kussen.
Dan kunnen we nu de huwelijksakte tekenen.
Nu is het officieel! Meneer en meneer Schouten. Hoe klinkt dat? Het zal wei even wennen zijn als jullie morgen wakker wordt naast een getrouwde man. Jullie wonen al een tijd bij elkaar en misschien denk dat het feit dat je nu getrouwd bent daar niets aan veranderd. Nou dan denk je verkeerd. Ik weet zeker dat alle getrouwde mensen hier aanwezig kunnen verklaren dat het leven als je getrouwd bent veel leuker wordt. Geen problemen meer! De heIe wereld ziet er mooier uit. Alles gaat veel makkelijker. Echt waar. Je moet er natuurlijk zelf ook iets aan doen, want resultaten behaald in het verleden bieden geen garantie voor de toekomst.
Het tweede deel van het huwelijk zal in de V.S. plaatsvinden met andere aanwezigen. Ook daar Iigt een deel van jullie verleden en zijn er mensen die van jullie houden en waar jullie van houden. Jullie toekomst Iigt voorlopig in Nederland, in Purmerend en met elkaar. Vanaf vandaag als echtgenoten.
De toekomst lacht jullie tegemoet ... en jullie lachen terug. Nog heel vaak en heel veel en ik hoop op hetzelfde moment. De wereld Iigt aan jullie voeten, the sky is the limit. Aile opties Iiggen voor jullie open; grijp die kans en maak er wat moois van! samen nog meer mooie reizen maken en veel van de wereld zien.
Ik vind het een enorme eer dat ik jullie huwelijk mocht voltrekken en ik wens jullie dan ook aile goeds samen met je familie, vrienden en andere dierbaren. Ik weet zeker dat jullie in goede en slechte tijden op elkaar kunnen bouwen!
Tot slot nog een gedicht.
Een huwelijk is een avontuur
twee mensen staan op wacht bij elkaars eenzaamheid waakzaam en attent
Een huwelijk is met open handen en open hart klaar staan voor de ander
het is vrijheid en geborgenheid
jezelf zijn door er voor een ander te willen zijn Een huwelijk is leven
met het mysterie van de andere mens
het is "ja" zeggen, te pas en te on pas
"Een huwelijk wordt gesloten" zegt men
"Een huwelijk wordt geopend" is meer waar Het is een groeiproces waarin je ruimte schept waarin de ander zichzelf kan zijn
Een huwelijk is niet "nu ben je van mij" maar "ik ben er voor jou"
het is een ontdekkingstocht naar de ander Een huweljjk is jezelf binden
in een wereld die ongebondenheid nastreeft Een huwelijk is geven
in een wereld die nemen in haar vaandel heeft staan Een huwelijk is zeggen
dat de ander alles is
in een wereld waar de mens soms niets schijnt te zijn Een huwelijk is zeggen
dat het leven te groot is voor een mens alleen Een huwelijk is kiezen
voor samenzijn
Ik wens jullie een prettige voortzetting van deze dag en nogmaals het allerbeste met veel geluk en gezondheid in de toekomst.
Dames en heren, dan is hiermee een einde gekomen aan deze plechtigheid. Ik dank u mede namens het bruidspaar hartelijk voor uw aandacht en ik wens u nog een bijzonder plezierige dag.
Christopher Jon Rosebrook en
Willebrordus Wilhelmus Maria Schouten
op 8 juni 2007 om 11.00 uur
Stadhuis aan de Kaasmarkt te Purmerend
Hartelijk welkom op het stadhuis van de gemeente Purmerend voor de plechtige voltrekking van het huwelijk van Christopher en Wilbert. Zij komen zodadelijk binnen en ik wil u vragen ze een daverend welkom te geven. Voordat ze binnenkomen nog een paar huishoudelijke mededelingen: mobieltjes uit en geen rijst strooien alstublieft!
(muziek)
Christopher en Wilbert, ook van harte welkom voor de voltrekking van jullie huwelijk in aanwezigheid van jullie familie en vrienden.
Het is een mooie dag om te trouwen deze Se juni 2007 en ik hoop dat het een dag wordt die jullie nog lang zullen herinneren en vieren met jullie dierbaren.
Je krijgt niet altijd waar je om vraagt in het leven. Vaak leidt dat tot teleurstellingen en frustraties. De kunst van het leven is juist om tevreden te zijn met wat je krijgt. En nog beter is het om goed je ogen open te houden, want soms struikel je bijna over datgene waar je al zo lang op wacht en zie je het niet. Andere keren moet je nog eens goed nadenken of je wei het goede hebt gewenst. Je prioriteiten bijstellen, heet dat. Voortschreidend inzicht. Tevreden zijn met wie je bent is de belangrijkste voorwaarde om gelukkig te worden. Ais jij het geluk niet hebt gevonden, kan je een ander ook niet gelukkig maken. Soms duurt het even voor je de juiste wens hebt geformuleerd. Soms weet je al op je lSe waar je naar op zoek gaat, soms pas op je 2Se. Sommige mensen komen er nooit achter. Dat is bij jullie zeker niet het geval. Je weten precies wat je wilt en vooral ook wie je wilt. Een duidelijke keuze!
Een paar weken geleden was ik bij jullie om deze huwelijksvoltrekking te bespreken. Ik ben nog nooit zo een trouwkaart tegengekomen: prachtig en wat een zorg en aandacht is daar aan besteed.
Christopher is een andere persoonlijkheid dan Wilbert; ze vullen elkaar perfect aan. Christopher is druk en impulsief en Wilbert is bedachtzaam. Wilbert haalt koffie en Christopher laat mij de werking van de TV, de afstandsbedieningen en de PC + aile decoders zien. Wilbert heeft ook lang gewacht met "ja" zeggen. Maar het is ook een volmondig "JA".
Wilbert vertelde gepassioneerd over zijn werk met modestoffen en de nieuwe ontwikkelingen op dat gebied.
Christopher is Marketing director bij Irdeto (coderen en decoderen) Hij kan vanaf de andere kant van de wereld Wilbert bij wijze van spreken laten afwassen.
Ze hebben mij verteld dat ze verslaafd aan elkaar zijn en met dit huwelijk een nieuwe fase in hun leven ingaan. Ze passen bij elkaar en ze houden zielsveel van elkaar. Allemaal prima redenen om met elkaar te gaan trouwen. Het eerste deel in Purmerend en het tweede deel in de VS.
Nu dat geregeld is ga ik voorlezen waar je "Ja" tegen zegt als je met elkaar trouwt:
Echtgenoten zijn elkaar trouw, hulp en bijstand verschuldigd en indien nodig verplicht om elkaar te onderhouden.
Echtgenoten zijn tegenover elkaar verplicht elkaars kinderen op te voeden. Bij rechtshandelingen hebben jullie elkaars toestemming nodig. Bijvoorbeeld bij het kopen of huren van van een huis of bij het doen van schenkingen, tenzij de wet anders vermeldt.
Beiden hebben het recht, maar niet de plicht om de naam van de echtgenoot te gebruiken. Christopher heeft mij expliciet gevraagd om u mee te delen dat hij heel erg dankbaar is voor het respect en de warmte die hij heeft ondervonden bij de familie van Wilbert. Hij zal de naam Schouten dan ook met trots dragen.
Dan gaan we nu over tot het voltrekken van het huwelijk:
Willen jullie gaan staan, elkaar de rechterhand geven en antwoord geven op de volgende vraag:
Christopher Jon Rosebrook neem jij aan tot je echtgenoot: Willebrordus Wilhelmus Maria Schouten en beloof je trouw aile plichten te vervullen die de wet aan het huwelijk verbindt, Wilbert lief te hebben en te respecteren in goede en slechte rijden, bij ziekte en gezondheid en ik rijkdom en armoede. Wat is daarop je antwoord?
Willebrordus Wilhelmus Maria Schouten neem jij aan tot je echtgenoot: Christopher Jon Rosebrook en beloof je trouw aile plichten te vervullen die de wet aan het huwelijk verbindt, Christopher lief te hebben en te respecteren in goede en slechte rijden, bij ziekte en gezondheid en ik rijkdom en armoede. Wat is daarop je antwoord?
Dan verklaar ik, Freek Seiffers, ambtenaar van de burgerlijke stand van de gemeente Purmerend dat jullie door het huwelijk aan elkaar verbonden zijn. Ik wil jullie daar van harte me feliciteren.
(ringen)
Jullie mogen elkaar nu kussen.
Dan kunnen we nu de huwelijksakte tekenen.
Nu is het officieel! Meneer en meneer Schouten. Hoe klinkt dat? Het zal wei even wennen zijn als jullie morgen wakker wordt naast een getrouwde man. Jullie wonen al een tijd bij elkaar en misschien denk dat het feit dat je nu getrouwd bent daar niets aan veranderd. Nou dan denk je verkeerd. Ik weet zeker dat alle getrouwde mensen hier aanwezig kunnen verklaren dat het leven als je getrouwd bent veel leuker wordt. Geen problemen meer! De heIe wereld ziet er mooier uit. Alles gaat veel makkelijker. Echt waar. Je moet er natuurlijk zelf ook iets aan doen, want resultaten behaald in het verleden bieden geen garantie voor de toekomst.
Het tweede deel van het huwelijk zal in de V.S. plaatsvinden met andere aanwezigen. Ook daar Iigt een deel van jullie verleden en zijn er mensen die van jullie houden en waar jullie van houden. Jullie toekomst Iigt voorlopig in Nederland, in Purmerend en met elkaar. Vanaf vandaag als echtgenoten.
De toekomst lacht jullie tegemoet ... en jullie lachen terug. Nog heel vaak en heel veel en ik hoop op hetzelfde moment. De wereld Iigt aan jullie voeten, the sky is the limit. Aile opties Iiggen voor jullie open; grijp die kans en maak er wat moois van! samen nog meer mooie reizen maken en veel van de wereld zien.
Ik vind het een enorme eer dat ik jullie huwelijk mocht voltrekken en ik wens jullie dan ook aile goeds samen met je familie, vrienden en andere dierbaren. Ik weet zeker dat jullie in goede en slechte tijden op elkaar kunnen bouwen!
Tot slot nog een gedicht.
Een huwelijk is een avontuur
twee mensen staan op wacht bij elkaars eenzaamheid waakzaam en attent
Een huwelijk is met open handen en open hart klaar staan voor de ander
het is vrijheid en geborgenheid
jezelf zijn door er voor een ander te willen zijn Een huwelijk is leven
met het mysterie van de andere mens
het is "ja" zeggen, te pas en te on pas
"Een huwelijk wordt gesloten" zegt men
"Een huwelijk wordt geopend" is meer waar Het is een groeiproces waarin je ruimte schept waarin de ander zichzelf kan zijn
Een huwelijk is niet "nu ben je van mij" maar "ik ben er voor jou"
het is een ontdekkingstocht naar de ander Een huweljjk is jezelf binden
in een wereld die ongebondenheid nastreeft Een huwelijk is geven
in een wereld die nemen in haar vaandel heeft staan Een huwelijk is zeggen
dat de ander alles is
in een wereld waar de mens soms niets schijnt te zijn Een huwelijk is zeggen
dat het leven te groot is voor een mens alleen Een huwelijk is kiezen
voor samenzijn
Ik wens jullie een prettige voortzetting van deze dag en nogmaals het allerbeste met veel geluk en gezondheid in de toekomst.
Dames en heren, dan is hiermee een einde gekomen aan deze plechtigheid. Ik dank u mede namens het bruidspaar hartelijk voor uw aandacht en ik wens u nog een bijzonder plezierige dag.
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
The Wedding Test
One of the major questions for me throughout our entire engagement process (being a 3 on the enneagram made it inevitable) has been "How will people react to us getting married?" Not our friends, but people from our parents' generation. Would we be treated with the same respect that straight married couples are treated? Will they take us as seriously? Will they overcome any prejudice that they might have about homosexuality out of respect for us and/or our parents?
The answer has pretty much universally been yes. And in a few cases, the answer has been a very surprising yes. There have been two surprises that have impacted us the most: 1) Some of the more conservative Christian members of Wilbert's family who have made some pretty outrageous statements about homosexuality in the past - who we invited only after a fair amount of debate and careful thought - have decided to attend our wedding here, and 2) Some of my mom's friends have banded together to put on a wedding shower for us when we're in Des Moines after both weddings (see invite above). With the latter we were really shocked and pleasantly surprised, especially because we thought that one of the ladies putting it on wasn't necessarily the most gay-friendly person around. I think they're largely doing it out of respect and love for my parents, but I would be curious to know about some of the conversation or thought that went on in the background there. And on the other hand, maybe I'm overanalyzing and underestimating them.
Regardless of anyone's prior prejudices or feelings, it looks like just about everyone is treating us with love and dignity and respect, and I for one am deeply grateful and really happy about it. One of the nicest things about coming to live in The Netherlands is the fact that I can focus much less on being gay and much more on being a human being because it's not a daily struggle for basic human rights here. That has been a great blessing in my life, and especially now, I'm really happy to live in a country that allows us to formally recognize our relationship with dignity and respect, and that our friends and family around the world are willing to do the same. We're very lucky.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Back On Track
Wow, what a heavy two weeks!
Slow post-Lasek progress in my right eye but now it seems like things are starting to progress a bit better. My sight is progressing faster than it did after the first operation, and I'm hopeful I'll get to 20/20 in time. Check-up scheduled for next week at the 1 month mark, so we'll see.
Got smacked with a really severe but weird stomach flu that's going around. Put me flat on my ass in bed for 24 hours, included a fainting spell and stomach cramps and fever, but pretty much nothing else. Was gone again almost as quick as it showed up, all within the span of Friday - Sunday. Better last week than next week...
Wedding preparations are going very well. Am confident we have everything taken care of or at least thought of. Still lots to DO but nothing else left to plan, and good people taking care of the details, so we feel comfortable and happy.
We're also overjoyed with our guest lists and everyone who is coming! The only major disappointment is my sister, who unexpectedly gave birth to a beautiful baby boy named Cristian Cruz Almodovar about 9 weeks early. He's healthy and doing great for a premature baby his age, but Heidi and Mel will be engaged in his care and probably won't be able to make it to the wedding. We're overjoyed and thankful for a healthy new nephew, but heartbroken they won't be with us. :-( At least they're still putting our flower girl on a plane to come be with us! :-)
A million things left to do in the coming 1 week before the Dutch wedding, but we know what they all are and are still incredibly looking forward to spending an amazing day with each other and with all our guests! If you're coming, see you there!
Slow post-Lasek progress in my right eye but now it seems like things are starting to progress a bit better. My sight is progressing faster than it did after the first operation, and I'm hopeful I'll get to 20/20 in time. Check-up scheduled for next week at the 1 month mark, so we'll see.
Got smacked with a really severe but weird stomach flu that's going around. Put me flat on my ass in bed for 24 hours, included a fainting spell and stomach cramps and fever, but pretty much nothing else. Was gone again almost as quick as it showed up, all within the span of Friday - Sunday. Better last week than next week...
Wedding preparations are going very well. Am confident we have everything taken care of or at least thought of. Still lots to DO but nothing else left to plan, and good people taking care of the details, so we feel comfortable and happy.
We're also overjoyed with our guest lists and everyone who is coming! The only major disappointment is my sister, who unexpectedly gave birth to a beautiful baby boy named Cristian Cruz Almodovar about 9 weeks early. He's healthy and doing great for a premature baby his age, but Heidi and Mel will be engaged in his care and probably won't be able to make it to the wedding. We're overjoyed and thankful for a healthy new nephew, but heartbroken they won't be with us. :-( At least they're still putting our flower girl on a plane to come be with us! :-)
A million things left to do in the coming 1 week before the Dutch wedding, but we know what they all are and are still incredibly looking forward to spending an amazing day with each other and with all our guests! If you're coming, see you there!
Monday, May 14, 2007
Touch Up Update
It's been a rough but bearable weekend, managed with drugs and insane amounts of sleep (hurts/bothers less with your eyes closed, and as long as your eyes are closed. might as well catch a few zzzz's!). Pain/discomfort worst on day 3, better on day 4 (though I can feel my eyes giving up towards the end fo the day). Everything super fuzzy/blurry right now. Am typing this a) because I'm an excellent touch typist, and b) because I'm using Widows Magnifyer and looking at 1-inch tall letters right now). Do it mostly with my eyes closed because I can't stand to have them open for long enough to read a single paragraph. Took a walking trip to the gas pump yesterday with Wilbert to buy cat food, and by the time we were back, my eyes had had enough and it was time to go to sleep. I ramble, but this is my life.
Going back to the doctor in a few hours to see if they will remove this counfoundingly uncomfortable "bandage lenses" from my eyes... condition of which is that the skin layer has fully grown back and closed. Last time they made me wait an additional 4-5 days, which I hated. I'm expecting the same today, but hoping for better. Wish me luck! I just want to get back up on my feet and (curiously enough, sick child that I am) get back to work! Staying at home doing nothing drives me stir crazy.
On the postiive side, wedding plans are going swimmingly, especially with attendance. Favorite people, beloved aunts and uncles and good friends from throughout time and space are all signing on for the party in D.C., while we've got a fabulous crew of people from our life in Holland joining us here, including a few surprises from the more bible-banging side of our family. We are honored to have them and will hopefully teach them a lesson by example.
Going back to the doctor in a few hours to see if they will remove this counfoundingly uncomfortable "bandage lenses" from my eyes... condition of which is that the skin layer has fully grown back and closed. Last time they made me wait an additional 4-5 days, which I hated. I'm expecting the same today, but hoping for better. Wish me luck! I just want to get back up on my feet and (curiously enough, sick child that I am) get back to work! Staying at home doing nothing drives me stir crazy.
On the postiive side, wedding plans are going swimmingly, especially with attendance. Favorite people, beloved aunts and uncles and good friends from throughout time and space are all signing on for the party in D.C., while we've got a fabulous crew of people from our life in Holland joining us here, including a few surprises from the more bible-banging side of our family. We are honored to have them and will hopefully teach them a lesson by example.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Re-Lasek
At 10:30 this morning, my opthamologist will do a Lasek touch-up treatment to take me the rest of the way to 20/20 - hopefully. I started out with -6.5/-7 corrections, and am now at -0.25 - -0.50 in each eye. This happens in 10-15% of all Lasek operations, especially with large corrections like I had. Luckily touch-ups are free.
What they aren't is pleasant. I will essentially go through the same exact experience I went through last time, which was no fun to say the least. Bearable, but a serious pain. 5 days off work, burning/watering in my eyes, huge contact lens-like bandages in my eyes for 4 days. Worth the investment, but not something you really want to do twice.
Wish me luck, and I'd relaly appreciate it if friends and family would give me a call this week to check in on me, since I'm not going to be able to look up phone numbers very easily.
What they aren't is pleasant. I will essentially go through the same exact experience I went through last time, which was no fun to say the least. Bearable, but a serious pain. 5 days off work, burning/watering in my eyes, huge contact lens-like bandages in my eyes for 4 days. Worth the investment, but not something you really want to do twice.
Wish me luck, and I'd relaly appreciate it if friends and family would give me a call this week to check in on me, since I'm not going to be able to look up phone numbers very easily.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Queen's Day Eve Outing
So what did we do with our Sunday?
After a very lazy day with the kitties in the garden... 
... enjoying the sweet smells from one of our several lilac trees in the garden....jpg)
...we ventured through the tulip fields of North Holland....jpg)
...to enjoy a wonderful day together in Amsterdam...
...sitting on terraces and stroling past the canals, meeting friends for Mexican dinner...
...and enjoying the fact that we live in a country where the Riot Police are so prepared to deal with large crowds of stupid drunk people.Seriously, though, it was a lovely day with Wilbert in the city (which despite its proximity, we don't often make it to), and a very enjoyable evening with Jeroen, Peter and his new beau, Alp. I came home early (midnight) and the boys stayed out for another few hours before coming home. Not sure what we'll do today, but relaxation on one of our few public holidays in the year sounds good enough to me. :-)
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Queen's Day Weekend
Miscellaneous thoughts to share with you this Queen's Day weekend (3 days!):
* Wedding plans coming along OK... still a week left for Dutch RSVPs to come in and the numbers are a little bit low... please hurry and get your reply cards in ASAP! Thanks! Things are coming along a little bit better in the U.S. where people are more accustomed to RSVPing.
* Our garden is glorious. Wilbert and I gave it a good clean-up and planted some new clematis vines a few weeks ago, so it's looking snazzy. The lilacs (white, lavendar and dark purple) are in full bloom and looking fabulous, and we also put in a new fence with the neighbors during Easter weekend. We barbequed for the first time this season last night (hamburgers) and the weather has been unbelievably good for April in Holland.
* Can't say too much, but I am very satisfied with my annual performance appraisal and salary increase this year. I had been unhappy with this in the past (for the first time in my carreer - this is not usually my primary driver), so now I can leave it behind and move on.
* This is also the year that I lose a significant expatriate tax benefit, so I will as a result of my boss's generosity at least end the year even or slightly ahead of this year.
* We scored an amazing deal on our long stay in Washington D.C. during the wedding: Combining points and miles, we are getting a $45 per night rate at the hotel for 9 nights! If you are a Starwood Preferred Guest member, check into it at SPG.com.
* Only about five weeks until our (first) big day!
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Mandatory Day of Rest
Angel and I enjoy some much-needed rest in our recently cleaned-up garden. I was exhausted to my core today and really needed some extra rest, as I feel I'm on the verge of coming down with something nasty, so I stayed at home all day and caught up a little bit. I think all the travel (Denver, Beijing, Denver, London, Las Vegas, London) has got to me.
Going to bed early tonight again in the hopes that I can work one more day before the 3-day weekend (Monday is Queen's Day). Plan to CHILL all weekend so I can stay strong in the final stretch up to the wedding in June!
Going to bed early tonight again in the hopes that I can work one more day before the 3-day weekend (Monday is Queen's Day). Plan to CHILL all weekend so I can stay strong in the final stretch up to the wedding in June!
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Evidence of Mid-Life Crisis
.jpg)
Gave myself a 24-hour waiting period and then jumped in and did it. My first "ink". As I understand it, the triquestra, and ancient Celtic symbol of the elements and/or the three aspects of the Goddess, later co-opted by the Christians to represent the Trinity (with the addition of the circle). The number 3 is a very sacred and mystical number in Pagan belief: earth, water & sky; body, mind & spirit; me, you & us. It's Northern European in origin (as am I), so all of the above is attractive to me. I'm going to try this one out for a while, but anticipate later putting a matching Celtic armband around my arm at the same place (at about 1/3 the total height of this one). Should be cool.
Why now? I'm getting married, so it's a major milestone in my life. It sort of represents everything I've accomplished, everything I've suffered, and everything I'm giving up (willingly) to become co-responsible for another human beings happiness and well-being. It's also a reminder and a symbol of my inherent spirtual nature, which I sometimes neglect. And it's sort of masculine and cool.
Why now? I'm getting married, so it's a major milestone in my life. It sort of represents everything I've accomplished, everything I've suffered, and everything I'm giving up (willingly) to become co-responsible for another human beings happiness and well-being. It's also a reminder and a symbol of my inherent spirtual nature, which I sometimes neglect. And it's sort of masculine and cool.
:-)
Monday, April 02, 2007
The Simple Things In Life...
I've been chronically exhausted every since I got back from the U.S. about two weeks ago (although that seems like a lifetime!), so I needed a lot of rest this weekend. Wilbert left for Cologne on his annual trip to the Handwork & Crafts Exposition early on Sunday morning, so I had the whole day to myself. Had no idea it would turn out like it did.
After getting most of our Dutch wedding invitations addressed and ready for mailing, I took four of them out to deliver to our neighbors, and found 3/4ths of them camped out in front of our townhomes in the sandpit where our parking spaces used to be (the city is rearranging, updating and fixing the whole street because of an initiative I started last year). A spontaneous block party! And it was a blast... we stayed there all afternoon; chatting, drinking, eating, everybody contributed something (see my tea set left). The weather was gorgeous... the first really springy day to fall in a weekend, so everyone was in the mood to chill and enjoy the outdoors. The street was closed off, so it was nice and quiet. We did a tour of the neighborhood and talked about ways we might redo our front gardens together as a team.
We talked about everything and nothing, caught up on each other's lives (Daren and Annette had just gotten back from a 9-month assignment to Aruba), enjoyed each other's company, and just had a good, simple time together. Very good for the spirit, and helped put life a bit more into perspective after I had been far too wrapped up in Work & Wedding for the last few months. The kids built forts and castles in the sand using the wooden scaffolding and bricks the road builders had left behind. They found an enormous mess this morning when they arrived.
After getting most of our Dutch wedding invitations addressed and ready for mailing, I took four of them out to deliver to our neighbors, and found 3/4ths of them camped out in front of our townhomes in the sandpit where our parking spaces used to be (the city is rearranging, updating and fixing the whole street because of an initiative I started last year). A spontaneous block party! And it was a blast... we stayed there all afternoon; chatting, drinking, eating, everybody contributed something (see my tea set left). The weather was gorgeous... the first really springy day to fall in a weekend, so everyone was in the mood to chill and enjoy the outdoors. The street was closed off, so it was nice and quiet. We did a tour of the neighborhood and talked about ways we might redo our front gardens together as a team.
We talked about everything and nothing, caught up on each other's lives (Daren and Annette had just gotten back from a 9-month assignment to Aruba), enjoyed each other's company, and just had a good, simple time together. Very good for the spirit, and helped put life a bit more into perspective after I had been far too wrapped up in Work & Wedding for the last few months. The kids built forts and castles in the sand using the wooden scaffolding and bricks the road builders had left behind. They found an enormous mess this morning when they arrived.
We're lucky to have such good neighbors. We all have pretty much nothing in common (well, besides two of them having young kids): we're businessmen, shopkeepers, military, heavy equipment repairmen, housewives, pre-school teachers and airline cargo workers, but none of that really seems to matter when you're just good people.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
March update
OK, it's been forever, I know, and very little time now, so here are the headlines...
- Finished designing wedding invitations with Wilbert; did it 100% ourselves. Then had a heart attack at how much it would cost to print them ($2000).
- Went to China for a week. Barely slept. Got wedding invitations printed there instead, saved $1000.
- Spent the weekend at home. Went to Uncle Arie's 80th birthday party. Addressed U.S. wedding invitations with Wilbert.
- Left for Denver, spent the week there. Barely slept. Food was too good. With excellent help from hotel got U.S. invitations out.
- Am overjoyed to be staying at home for 3 weeks (with the exception of a 24-hour trip to London next week).
- Work is currently insane. Crisis management central. Last week it was stressing me out; this week I've reached a state of zen about it.
- Our street at home is closed for more than a month after I proposed some changes and repairs about a year ago. Amazing the chaos I can cause when I put my mind to it.
- My April looks like this: London, Las Vegas, London. Fun.
- Please vote Sanjaya off American Idol. This is getting really silly. I predict it's going to take at least another 2 weeks, though.
- The Dutch Tax Authority is paying for most of our wedding this year. Unexpectedly fabulous.
- Spring has sprung in Holland. Probably has something to do with the zen thing (see above).
- Still can't wait to get married! Our plans are comming along swimmingly.
So that's the news from here! What's going on in your neck of the woods?
Saturday, February 24, 2007
American Idol 1st Elimination
One of the advantages of having the flu and having sat at home for three days is that I've caught up on a lot of TV. And one of Wilbert's and my ADDICTIONS has started again: American Idol, broadcast every Friday on the U.K.'s ITV2. It made me think I might start adding my own personal commentary to the millions of other people who write about it every week online. I won't be as fanatical (or timely) about it as others, but it'll be my $.02 worth.
I really only have two things to say about the first live show:
1. Black girls threw down! Go, sisters! Damn! Blew the white girls out of the frickin' water (though Gina wasn't too bad)! Especially LaKisha at the end was da bomb! Girl, took some damn nerve to sing Jennifer Hudson's song the week of the Oscars, but you worked it out, dawg! These gals are definitely among my favorites to win. Stephanie, Melissa, Jordin and Sabrina were hot too. Nicole, girl, what was you thinking? Go back to being a white girl, it suits you better.
I really only have two things to say about the first live show:
1. Black girls threw down! Go, sisters! Damn! Blew the white girls out of the frickin' water (though Gina wasn't too bad)! Especially LaKisha at the end was da bomb! Girl, took some damn nerve to sing Jennifer Hudson's song the week of the Oscars, but you worked it out, dawg! These gals are definitely among my favorites to win. Stephanie, Melissa, Jordin and Sabrina were hot too. Nicole, girl, what was you thinking? Go back to being a white girl, it suits you better.
2. HOT IDOL BOYS ALERT!: Blake (love me some blond idol boy!) and Chris Richardson are HOT and sing pretty well too. Big Chris scored some points with the "Il Divo and Teletubbies" comment, referencing some of Simon's past successes, but not my type. And Phil worked it out on stage with his performance too, but I prefer guys with hair. :-)
BTW, Paul Kim wasn't that bad, and I don't think he deserved to go. I think that America has never really seen an Asian singer before, and it doesn't fit into the stereotypes they have of what a performer/entertainer should "look like". Just a theory.
Friday, February 16, 2007
Homophobia & the NBA
From CNN: "The NBA has banished Tim Hardaway from All-Star weekend because of his anti-gay remarks made after another former player came out. "I don't like gay people and I don't like to be around gay people. I'm homophobic," he said during a radio interview. After the comments caused outrage, NBA commissioner David Stern on Thursday pulled the retired player from a series of All-Star public appearances."
Good to see the sports world dealing with its own homophobia as being unacceptable. Maybe there is hope for the human race after all.
I just hope there's no NBA PR guy who is telling Hardaway in the background, "Listen, this isn't a big deal... just wait for it to blow over and you'll be back again. We hate fags too." And the story is nowhere to be found on NBA.com.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Another Gratuitous Proud Uncle Photo
My niece is the blonde with the monkey in front. :-) Apparently at birthday parties in her area you have to take practically the whole class (girls only, of course!) out for some special activity. Monkey, Bear and Bunny Making 101 seemed to be the activity of choice here.Happy (belated) Birthday, Mer, and have lots of fun at Disney World! Love, Uncle 'Ris & Uncle Wilbert
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
My sweetie is 40; our nieces turn 6!
Wilbert turned 40 today, so I made him breakfast in bed before getting about my work for the day. Then after work we went out for Japanese and had a nice quiet evening in Amsterdam. Happy birthday, sweetie! Today he's off to England for a quick business trip and some sightseeing, so I get to play bachelor for two days. That doesn't happen often; usually it's the other way around!
This past weekend, we had a lovely 6th birthday party for his niece, Isabel. A lovely family occasion. Here is the birthday girl with one of her gifts, sporting some couture provided by her uncles. :-) It's great being able to share Wilbert's family when mine is so far away.
Funny enough, my niece Merrick also had her birthday this week; they're only a week apart! Photos from her celebration below with her Auntie Lorie and Mom (my sister):
This past weekend, we had a lovely 6th birthday party for his niece, Isabel. A lovely family occasion. Here is the birthday girl with one of her gifts, sporting some couture provided by her uncles. :-) It's great being able to share Wilbert's family when mine is so far away.
Funny enough, my niece Merrick also had her birthday this week; they're only a week apart! Photos from her celebration below with her Auntie Lorie and Mom (my sister):
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Home Sweet Home Part 59
Seems like I'm always coming home from somewhere, but it's always just as sweet! :-)
Had a great time in the U.S. (wonderful to see Mom & Dad - always have a great time when it's just the three of us - great to see Stacey and Jordan, hit some major clearance sales and did some potentially very good business), but I was chomping at the bit after a week to be back home with Wilbert and the kitty krew!
Above is a picture of the annual company party, which had a Arabian Nights theme this year, which we loosely followed. Others were far more fanatical in their approach, as is to be expected. :-)
Plan is to stay home until China next month. How else are we going to get this wedding planned!?!
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Dad is too cool!
I'm in Des Moines visiting my folks on my way to a business meeting in Denver. In this picture, my dad is sporting his new coat, a present from my mom for his upcoming birthday. It is a Ralph Lauren parka with a coyote-fur hood. Pretty fancy. They bought it off of E-Bay. Goes to prove you can find anything there. Yesterday I found some great deals at Dillard's in Jordan Creek Town Center, West Des Moines' newest mall. Marked down 50%, and then another 40% discount on top of that. So I picked up a new $300 winter coat for about $90. Which is about 78 euros for a brand new brown leather coat. Love that. Today not feeling so hot, skipping the Super Bowl party to get some rest. Signed up for Vonage and got a Des Moines telephone number I can use in The Netherlands. How cool is that? So all you Yanks who haven't been calling me because you think it's too expensive... I am calling your bluff! :-)
Sunday, January 28, 2007
January Update
It's been a busy month! Started out the New Year at home with Wilbert with a nice dinner, a glass of champagne in some beautiful, colorful new champagne glasses Wilbert's sister had given us for Christmas, and the usual 12 grapes (a Spanish tradition, for good luck of each of the two months of the new year). We went outside, chatted with our neighbors, and made it to bed pretty early.
Work has been busy because we're down one team member right now... hoping to hear tomorrow if a great lady from the U.S. will join us.
Started working out at the gym and was doing pretty well for a while, but about two weeks ago injured by back and ended up flat on my back for two days and in physical therapy. I will get back to it again next week... had pretty much just been walking... and will continue sticking to a balanced diet. My back (the middle part of it... not the lower, funnily enough) is getting slowly better.
Which is a good thing, because after a month of rest, it's back on the road again, and when it rains, it pours. First it was just going to be Denver, with a nice weekend stopover in Des Moines to visit my parents and friends. Then all of the sudden it was Des Moines, Denver and Ottawa. Now just the day before yesterday, Kiev, Ukraine, has been added to the list. There and back in 36 hours. This is the craziness of my life.
Wilbert and I had a great meeting at the hotel where we're holding our wedding party in The Netherlands on Friday night. Good progress on nailing down all the details. We're very happy with the place, the arrangements and the way we're being treated. We're looking forward to it. We're now reviewing the contract for the party in D.C., which, in typical U.S. fashion, is far more complex and legalistic. Now we need to get to work on the church ceremony. The minister in D.C. is being really lovely and flexible about how we put it together, and I got some great books in the U.S. and seen some great resources online, especially the from the denomination I grew up in, the UCC. They support gay marriage and have a Rite of Marriage ceremony that is gender neutral that we can use as the basis for our ceremony. We have also decided to abandon the idea of using the church's own music department because we are not happy with their attitude and lack of responsiveness. At the same time, the minister is really lovely and we are looking forward to working with her. We'll ask friends and family to provide the music as well as choosing some recorded music ourselves.
My in-laws are coming over this afternoon so we can ask them to be our witnesses at our Dutch wedding, just as we've asked my parents to be our best man and matron of honor in the U.S. Since neither set of parents will be at both weddings, it's a beautiful way to connect the two ceremonies together into one, beautiful whole.
So that's the update for now.
Work has been busy because we're down one team member right now... hoping to hear tomorrow if a great lady from the U.S. will join us.
Started working out at the gym and was doing pretty well for a while, but about two weeks ago injured by back and ended up flat on my back for two days and in physical therapy. I will get back to it again next week... had pretty much just been walking... and will continue sticking to a balanced diet. My back (the middle part of it... not the lower, funnily enough) is getting slowly better.
Which is a good thing, because after a month of rest, it's back on the road again, and when it rains, it pours. First it was just going to be Denver, with a nice weekend stopover in Des Moines to visit my parents and friends. Then all of the sudden it was Des Moines, Denver and Ottawa. Now just the day before yesterday, Kiev, Ukraine, has been added to the list. There and back in 36 hours. This is the craziness of my life.
Wilbert and I had a great meeting at the hotel where we're holding our wedding party in The Netherlands on Friday night. Good progress on nailing down all the details. We're very happy with the place, the arrangements and the way we're being treated. We're looking forward to it. We're now reviewing the contract for the party in D.C., which, in typical U.S. fashion, is far more complex and legalistic. Now we need to get to work on the church ceremony. The minister in D.C. is being really lovely and flexible about how we put it together, and I got some great books in the U.S. and seen some great resources online, especially the from the denomination I grew up in, the UCC. They support gay marriage and have a Rite of Marriage ceremony that is gender neutral that we can use as the basis for our ceremony. We have also decided to abandon the idea of using the church's own music department because we are not happy with their attitude and lack of responsiveness. At the same time, the minister is really lovely and we are looking forward to working with her. We'll ask friends and family to provide the music as well as choosing some recorded music ourselves.
My in-laws are coming over this afternoon so we can ask them to be our witnesses at our Dutch wedding, just as we've asked my parents to be our best man and matron of honor in the U.S. Since neither set of parents will be at both weddings, it's a beautiful way to connect the two ceremonies together into one, beautiful whole.
So that's the update for now.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
The reason for the season...
Safely home now after a relatively comfortable flight back from the U.S. INFINITE thanks to my sister for the gift of Ambien! Couldn't have had a better Christmas present! :-)Well, despite all the ups and downs of the trip, my favorite part was getting to see my niece and how incredibly intelligent and grown up she's become. She's a little spitfire and despite all the whooping and hollering she does, I love her to death!
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
The flip side of the family coin...
No sooner did everything blow up than everything went back to normal again. It's very weird.
I was sitting around fuming and planning my revenge (as triple scorpios will tend to do), and my mother came up and did that thing only mothers can do and coaxed me from my fury.
And without a word, my sister and father dropped the whole subject and acted like nothing had ever happened. I think this is something that can only ever happen in a family.
On the one hand, this is a good thing, and we enjoyed the rest of our holidays. On the other hand, there's something inherently disingenuous and incomplete about the whole thing. Nothing has changed. We have not learned anything from one another. We haven't resolved anything. I have no faith that things will be any different the next time. The pattern is still the pattern.
I very much enjoyed the hospitality and generosity of my sister, brother-in-law who we stayed with, and also my brother and sister-in-law who served us a glorious Thanksgiving-like dinner one night. It was a far more relaxed Christmas than we have had in the past and took a lot of pressure off my mom, which was all good. But I still wonder if I'll ever come back for another Christmas without some additional reinforcement in the form of Wilbert. It is certainly nowhere near as fun without him! And that's something the whole family can agree on.
I was sitting around fuming and planning my revenge (as triple scorpios will tend to do), and my mother came up and did that thing only mothers can do and coaxed me from my fury.
And without a word, my sister and father dropped the whole subject and acted like nothing had ever happened. I think this is something that can only ever happen in a family.
On the one hand, this is a good thing, and we enjoyed the rest of our holidays. On the other hand, there's something inherently disingenuous and incomplete about the whole thing. Nothing has changed. We have not learned anything from one another. We haven't resolved anything. I have no faith that things will be any different the next time. The pattern is still the pattern.
I very much enjoyed the hospitality and generosity of my sister, brother-in-law who we stayed with, and also my brother and sister-in-law who served us a glorious Thanksgiving-like dinner one night. It was a far more relaxed Christmas than we have had in the past and took a lot of pressure off my mom, which was all good. But I still wonder if I'll ever come back for another Christmas without some additional reinforcement in the form of Wilbert. It is certainly nowhere near as fun without him! And that's something the whole family can agree on.
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Ahhh. family for the holidays...
I'm in Boston with my family for Christmas. Every year, I spend all year over-romanticizing what it's going to be like and looking forward to it. And every year, about half-way through the thing, I have a blow-up, usually with my father or my sister, that has me calling the airlines to find out if I can go home early.
This year it took a whole three and a half days for the shit to hit the fan. It was the dumbest of things: my mom knocked on the bathroom door while I was using the toilet, then immediately opened it withiout waiting. I got really upset at this rude breach of protocol (she claims it was justified by just having seen my niece having left the same bathroom - typical, she sees the 5-year old but manages to completely miss her 400-pound son) and came out of the bathroom simply telling her: It's not KNOCK->OPEN, it's KNOCK->WAIT->OPEN.
Well, apparently this was perceived as distrubing the delicate peace in the household, which was not appreciated, and everyone decided to attack me. It was my fault for not locking the door (shutting it is apparently not enough in this house). I didn't need to be so rude and confrontational.
Then precisely at the moment I was trying to make peace with my mother (who was being the least confrontational about the whole thing), my sister jumps in again to let me know what a rude and worthless human being I am. I'm furious at her interruption and tell her to shut up and mind her own business, that I'm talking to my mother, but she wouldn't let me get a word in edge-wise. and the whole thing re-escalated again right at the point I was trying to difuse it.
It's so typical of my family to gang up on me like this, and I hate it. It doesn't happen anywhere else in my life... aren't families great? Mine goes from being fine to being a fucking lynch mob in 10 seconds flat. If they would just give me a few seconds to listen to me express my feelings before immediately ganging up on me and attacking me, it wouldn't happen. Maybe I do come out swinging and come on more aggressively than all the other superficial, fake, polite people in their perfect suburban lives, but if they haven't learned to deal with it after 38 years, then I guess there's no hope and I need to give up.
Here's what a typical conversation between my sister or father and I looks like:
Christopher: I am upset about... I am angry about... I feel hurt by... Why did you...?
Dad or Sister: You're wrong, it's your own fault, you are selfish/mean/wrong for thinking that.
Christopher: But...
Dad or Sister: No, you need to show some respect; don't speak to your mother that way; you're in my house and you won't talk to me like that, etc.
Christopher: I just wanted to...
Dad or Sister: Why are you so confrontational? Why can't you just drop it? Why do you have to keep pushing it?
Christopher: Sigh... I wish I'd bought a changeable airline ticket.
There was a perfect example of us having done things correctly and civily in an adult fashion yesterday (my father and I), for which I actually consciously thanked him and spoke to him about in detail... but apparently memories are short and old habits die hard. I am and always will be the family bad guy - the one with a big target painted on my forehead. I guess every family has one. But I am seriously contemplating resigning from that role for good.
Right now I'm still furious, hurt, and really resentful that these people have slam-dunked me back into the most miserable feelings of my youth. Historically I have always let things go and forgotten about it. I'm not so sure it's going to be as easy this time. I'm pretty sure this is the last Christmas I'll be spending with my family in the U.S. - it never lives up to my expectations. Starting next year, I think it's time to start spending it with my future husband and his family. I've missed him a lot and can't wait to get home.
This year it took a whole three and a half days for the shit to hit the fan. It was the dumbest of things: my mom knocked on the bathroom door while I was using the toilet, then immediately opened it withiout waiting. I got really upset at this rude breach of protocol (she claims it was justified by just having seen my niece having left the same bathroom - typical, she sees the 5-year old but manages to completely miss her 400-pound son) and came out of the bathroom simply telling her: It's not KNOCK->OPEN, it's KNOCK->WAIT->OPEN.
Well, apparently this was perceived as distrubing the delicate peace in the household, which was not appreciated, and everyone decided to attack me. It was my fault for not locking the door (shutting it is apparently not enough in this house). I didn't need to be so rude and confrontational.
Then precisely at the moment I was trying to make peace with my mother (who was being the least confrontational about the whole thing), my sister jumps in again to let me know what a rude and worthless human being I am. I'm furious at her interruption and tell her to shut up and mind her own business, that I'm talking to my mother, but she wouldn't let me get a word in edge-wise. and the whole thing re-escalated again right at the point I was trying to difuse it.
It's so typical of my family to gang up on me like this, and I hate it. It doesn't happen anywhere else in my life... aren't families great? Mine goes from being fine to being a fucking lynch mob in 10 seconds flat. If they would just give me a few seconds to listen to me express my feelings before immediately ganging up on me and attacking me, it wouldn't happen. Maybe I do come out swinging and come on more aggressively than all the other superficial, fake, polite people in their perfect suburban lives, but if they haven't learned to deal with it after 38 years, then I guess there's no hope and I need to give up.
Here's what a typical conversation between my sister or father and I looks like:
Christopher: I am upset about... I am angry about... I feel hurt by... Why did you...?
Dad or Sister: You're wrong, it's your own fault, you are selfish/mean/wrong for thinking that.
Christopher: But...
Dad or Sister: No, you need to show some respect; don't speak to your mother that way; you're in my house and you won't talk to me like that, etc.
Christopher: I just wanted to...
Dad or Sister: Why are you so confrontational? Why can't you just drop it? Why do you have to keep pushing it?
Christopher: Sigh... I wish I'd bought a changeable airline ticket.
There was a perfect example of us having done things correctly and civily in an adult fashion yesterday (my father and I), for which I actually consciously thanked him and spoke to him about in detail... but apparently memories are short and old habits die hard. I am and always will be the family bad guy - the one with a big target painted on my forehead. I guess every family has one. But I am seriously contemplating resigning from that role for good.
Right now I'm still furious, hurt, and really resentful that these people have slam-dunked me back into the most miserable feelings of my youth. Historically I have always let things go and forgotten about it. I'm not so sure it's going to be as easy this time. I'm pretty sure this is the last Christmas I'll be spending with my family in the U.S. - it never lives up to my expectations. Starting next year, I think it's time to start spending it with my future husband and his family. I've missed him a lot and can't wait to get home.
Friday, December 08, 2006
Marcos in Holland
One of my best friends from when I went to school in Spain in 1990-91 has been visiting this week for the first time, and today we went to Madurodam (www.madurodam.nl) in The Hague. It was fun, and Marcos got to show off what a big guy he is! He's headed back tomorrow, but we've had a fun time catching up and seeing Holland! Gracias por venir tio, y espero verte muy pronto aqui de vuelta o en nuestro querido Euskal Herria! :-)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
